The Measure of a Mother
by AliseAndrews
Summary: A mother's worst nightmare comes to haunt Emily Gilmore.
1. A Complicated Life

Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: The prodigal author has returned! My life has been crazy even more than usual lately and so I've been a little lax on writing. I hope this story will make up for it. Let me know what you think. This story begins before Rory's graduation.

The baby's hair began to curl at six months and it delighted Emily. She loved nothing more than to take a lock of soft hair and curl it around her fingertip. Emily smiled at the memory and wrapped her silk robe tighter around her. She reached into the chest that was tucked in the far corner of the attic. She often came here when she couldn't sleep. It was sort of her secret place. There was a ghastly looking lamp that Richard's mother had given them years ago that provided light, and an old bearskin rug provided comfort as she sat in her solitude and looked at the contents of the old chest. She had it specially made when Lorelai was born. It was hand carved with Lorelai Victoria Gilmore on the top and doves and roses carved all over the sides. A lacy white christening dress with the faintest stain of grape juice lay on the top wrapped lovingly in tissue paper. There was a soft yellow blanket they had brought Lorelai home from the hospital in under She reached in and took out a large silver plated locket. She opened it up and pulled out a long silky curl of black hair tied with a pink ribbon. She held it up to her face--it was still the softest thing she had ever felt. There was a velvet box that she opened up and pulled out a few pressed wild flowers. Oh how mad she had been that day, when Lorelai came tramping into the kitchen with mud caked on her new mary janes, the eyelet lace torn off the bottom of her dress. She had ordered the girl to her room when the child had brought out a small handful of wildflowers from behind her back.

"I picked these for you Mommy," she said brightly, and the mommy's heart had melted. She picked up her girl, muddy shoes and all and hugged her to her.

There were four pictures that she had drawn, one from Sunday School when she was six years old. It was a picture of the three of them. She giggled at the drawing of Richard that took up the entire page, then there was one of her, and one of Lorelai. They were holding hands and there was a rainbow behind them. Written in red crayon were the words, "I luv my famle." There was an old doll, her hair mussed and a big smile made in red nail polish on her lips. She had forgotten the doll's name, but had not forgotten how her little six year old's eyes had lit up when Richard had brought her out behind his back when he had returned from his trip to England. There were two tiny little pink mittens Hopie had crocheted for Lorelai's first Christmas, a little yellow sleeper with a duck on it, and her first little coat, robin egg blue colored with a white downy rim around the hood. So many memories, Popsicle stick creations, the ashtray she had made for Richard when she was in first grade, Emily had saved it all.

She looked down at her wrist watch, three-thirty in the morning. She hadn't slept well for the past two nights; Richard was out of town for the first time since his heart attack. He had gone back to work half days shortly after she had returned from the road trip with the girls and now he had volunteered for a three day trip to California. During the day she was happy, it was nice to have things back to normal, but at night when she brushed her hand over Richard's pillow and remembered how white and still he had looked in the hospital, remembered how scared she had been, she was plagued with a nagging worry. What if he needed her? And so she had retreated to the attic, to relive the days of her early motherhood before Christopher, and before her little sweetheart had grown away from her. It was that same little girl that had brought her the wildflowers so long ago that had told her that night in that awful hotel room that she knew it had been hard for her mother to have her gone. Emily had simply nodded and mumbled, biting her cheek.

_You have no idea. I died a little bit every day. _

And then they had watched Pursuit of Happyness and Rory and Lorelai had teased her about Will Smith. They had all sat on the bed, dishing out Dots and Little Debbie's. Rory and Lorelai had both fallen asleep during the movie and after it was over she had helped Rory over to her bed, and tucked her in, and then pulled the blanket over Lorelai. She sat on the side of the bed and looked at her daughter's face. Then suddenly she reached down and kissed the top of her head. The action surprised her, she had rarely touched her daughter over the past twenty years. Her daughter turned towards her sleepily and smiled.

"Goodnight Mom," she whispered, and there was something about the way she said it, a softness that Emily hadn't seen directed towards her in such a long time. For a moment, Lorelai was her little girl again. Lorelai smiled again and Emily felt some of the ice around her heart melt and she wondered if perhaps, just perhaps she hadn't been replaced all those years ago. That was what had hurt the most, not just that she had runaway, but that she had found someone else. It wasn't that she hadn't wanted any mother, she just hadn't wanted her. Emily had been exchanged like broken appliance.

"Mom...what I said before...I mean it, I really do know it was hard for you," Lorelai said, breaking her out of her thoughts.

Emily leaned forward and tenderly brushed a piece of hair from her daughter's forehead.

"Goodnight Lorelai, I"ll be here to pick you up in the morning," she said.

Lorelai nodded and turned back around.

Emily brought her knees to her chest and rested her chin in her hands. She pulled the bearskin rug closer around her, it was still a bit chilly up in the attic at nights. She checked her watch again, three thirty-five. She had been awful to Lorelai the next morning, criticizing her over everything from her dress to how she carried her luggage. She had picked apart Mia's wedding, until finally Lorelai had exploded at her, telling her she wished she hadn't come on the trip. They had a miserable ride home, and when she had dropped off the girls, she wondered why she had been so horrible. She hadn't realized it until now, with mementoes of her motherhood scattered around her. It had been the same thing the night that Lorelai had come over to help her with the computer and they had had a drink together. She had comforted her girl, telling her that she would be fine after her divorce. They had stayed up late talking, and then she had helped Lorelai up to her room and into bed. When she had gone to bed herself, Richard had sleepily reached over and wrapped his arms around her.

"Is she alright?" he asked.

Emily nodded, "She's fine," her voice caught in her throat.

Richard looked up and saw that his wife's eyes were closed and her lower lip trembling.

"Emmy," he said softly, "What is it?"

Emily turned towards him, her eyes shining, "She's home. She's home Richard."

Richard leaned down and kissed her. It wasn't long before his breathing slowed and she knew he was asleep again. She had slowly released his arm from around her and went back down the hall to Lorelai's room. She opened the door and went inside. For so long, fifteen long years, this room held nothing but pain for her. It hadn't even been open for the first year that Lorelai and Rory were gone. For several months she hadn't been able to walk by it without crying. She quietly sat down on one of the chairs--she was here, in her house. It was too much, too much to know that her family, her own little family was under the same roof. God knew she loved Rory, but for one night it was just Mom, Dad, and child again. She bit her lower lip as she watched her daughter sleeping in the bed. How long would this moment last? How long would this peace last between them? A day? A week? When would the next time come? The next time her heart would be broken all over again? No, she couldn't bear it, she had to be in control. She had to be the one that called the shots. And so she had made sarcastic remarks about the deposit the next morning and barely looked at her daughter? And she got what she wanted...she saw the hurt in her daughter's eyes as she turned to leave. Why was it what she wanted?

Sighing, she turned and put the treasures back in their chest. Why was life so complicated? She wanted her daughter in her life, but yet when she got too close she pushed her away. She opened the locket again and wrapped the silky curl around her finger and suddenly she knew the answer. It didn't change anything, but she knew the answer.

Because when someone you love so fiercely breaks your heart, life simply is complicated.


	2. Graduation Days

Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Thank you for the feedback. It's great to be back! I hope there will be lots of wonderful Gilmore fan fics coming soon to make us all feel better about the show ending. The girls still live through stories! I hope you enjoy the next installment of mine.

"You're doing it wrong," she said simply, making the frustrated piano player stop for the thirteenth time.

Richard sighed, "Alright dear, what am I doing this time?" he asked.

"That last note...you were off key."

"Darling, you are no Broadway star yourself," he said with a little bite in his voice.

"And when you say 'Wow' you look like you're having an aneurysm," she countered without skipping a beat.

"Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore, I really need to go. It's after 10, I think everything will go fine tomorrow," their accompanist said standing up and grabbing his jacket before Emily could object.

"Well, don't blame me if she's embarrassed," Emily said simply as she walked from the room.

"I'm sure it will be fine dear," Richard said, not trying to hide the little smile that crept up in his features. Oh how he loved this woman.

Parties were a terrific distraction. Emily had discovered this a long time ago when she was a new wife. Anytime she was feeling a little neglected, that the business came first, she would throw herself into throwing the biggest and best party on the block. As years went on, she had grown so accustomed to it, that she didn't realize when she gave parties as a distraction. But whenever she had a fight with Lorelai, there was usually a DAR luncheon within a few days. When Richard had forgotten their anniversary, she threw a block party. Now, she was throwing a graduation party for Rory, trying to distract herself from the fact that her other little girl was growing up, moving on, and picking out balloon color schemes and finalizing invitation lists were easier to manage than her feelings. She was quite pleased with herself, the party seemed a success and Rory was smiling. When Christopher came, she kept a close eye on him to make sure he and Lorelai didn't cause a scene. She would have been mortified if they had fought, but they appeared to being civil and even friendly. Suddenly Richard grabbed her arm and said, "Let's do it."

The song had everyone laughing, and Richard was still off key and looked like he was having an aneurysm when he said, "Wow!", but during the song, she locked eyes with Rory for a moment, and it just about did her in. She saw the look in Rory's eyes, the look that had been there when she was a child. She knew she was loved by this girl, not merely tolerated but loved. It warmed her heart and when Rory came up to them--red faced but beaming, she wondered what life would have been like without this girl. Her nostalgia turned to excitement as Logan made his proposal, and cursed under her breath when Rory wanted to take Logan outside. How could she make them wait like this?

"He's a Huntzberger! An offer doesn't come along like this everyday!" she exclaimed and Lorelai curtly reminded her that it was a marriage proposal and not a business transaction. She felt stupid then, for a moment she had forgotten all about Mitchum's mistreatment of Rory, and the showdown between her and Shira. All she knew at that moment was that Rory would be part of her world. Rory would finally have the fine things of life, things she had never had before. Most of all, it felt like Rory's marriage to Logan meant that she would always be connected to Emily. She watched Lorelai go out the door and prayed she would be able to talk some sense into her daughter.

Nighttime came and again she couldn't sleep. Lorelai and Rory hadn't come back to the party and she was worried. What if Rory threw it all away? Just like Lorelai. She was sitting on the top of the stairs, not really sure why she had stopped there in her pacings. She knew what Lorelai would say if she were here, "Mom, what matter's more, Rory's happiness or marriage to someone of good breeding? She's not a horse."

Emily sighed, she did want Rory to be happy but was it too much to ask to hold on to just one of her girls? She was sure things would change with Lorelai after Rory was gone. Oh, she would get a few phone calls here and there out of obligation, when Lorelai's conscience momentarily aimed her their way. She would probably get Thanksgiving and the Christmas party, but certainly no more Friday night dinners--unless, she wracked her brain to come up with something, anything that Lorelai might need. Obligation Friday night dinners made for a whiny Lorelai but she preferred that to no Lorelai at all. She was suddenly surprised to feel a strong arm around her and turned as Richard sat down next to her.

"Did I wake you up?" she asked.

"I never could sleep without you," he said, "Penny for your thoughts?" he asked gently.

"With your wealth, all you have to offer me is a penny?" she said smiling

Richard looked contemplative, "Alright, 'One thousand two hundred and seventy eight dollars and sixty three cents for your thoughts?" he replied smiling.

She laughed lightly and then waited for a few minutes, "I'm worried," she said simply.

"About Rory?"

"Yes, I've been looking forward to this for so long. I thought for sure when he asked her that she was going to say yes right away," Emily sighed

"It's a big decision," Richard said simply. "She needs to be certain."

"Three years, she's been dating him for three years," Emily countered.

"But the boy has had some set backs. I don't know if he is good enough for her."

Emily rolled her eyes, "Richard, you are never going to think anyone is good enough for her."

He simply smiled, reached down and took her hand. "She'll be alright Emily. No matter what happens, they both will."

She nodded and for a moment they just sat in silence.

"Its graduation day tomorrow," she said after a few minutes.

"Yes," he replied.

"Do you...do you still think about it Richard, I mean...the way things might have been, the way things were supposed to have turned out?"

He gave her hand a squeeze, "Yes...Yes darling I do."

_"That's it," Richard said softly, supporting her with his strong arms. "One step at a time." _

_"Richard I'm not a cripple, not am I four years old kindly stop treating me like I'm either," she said sharply but quietly. She was amazed at how little energy she did have, and despite her criticism, Richard's arm did feel good around her. _

_"She was going to call today," she whispered, much more than a whisper took too much breath. "She was supposed to call today why didn't she call?" _

_Richard sighed as he helped her into a chair, "No Darling, she called last Thursday, it's every other one, she'll call again next Thursday. Can I get you anything? A drink?" _

_"No," she said, "Let's go," then looking up seeing his face, the worry creased in his forehead, his large sad eyes, she managed a smile. "This will be good for us Richard, to get out like this, I'm looking forward to it." _

_He sighed with relief, "I'll get your sweater," _

_She looked around the room after he was gone--the maid's hadn't kept up, she could see dust on her antique walnut hutch. It was hard to believe she hadn't been in this room for a month. Suddenly she felt ashamed of herself for making such a fuss, scaring poor Richard, If her daughter didn't want to come back, she wasn't going to come back. She had to accept it, she had to move on. _

_And then she turned and saw the portrait. _

_Her eyes locked on with the blue eyes of the young Lorelai, and a fresh batch of tears stung at her eyes. Her whole body started trembling and she turned and pointed to one of the maids. "You," she said sharply, "Take down that portrait and put it upstairs in the attic." _

_"Mrs. Gilmore?" the maid asked in confusion. _

_"Just do it!" she snapped so harshly that it brought Richard out of the other room. She covered her face to keep from showing her tears. "Just get it out of my sight," she said. _

_Richard went to her, putting his arm around her, "Let's go," he said and helped her out the door. _

_They had a lovely dinner at Shayzan's, and for the first time in a long time they were able to have a conversation about something other than their daughter. Richard talked about business, and then they talked about their Europe tour, they planned a full month in Paris, to the delight of Emily, who hadn't seen her sister in over a year. They would visit Greece, touring all the ancient sites, and then two weeks in Venice. When they left the resturaunt, Richard's heart beat fast with relief as he saw the color in his wife's face for the first time in a month. He reached down and held her hand as they walked out to the car. _

_"What do you say to a movie?" Richard asked as they started the car. _

_"A movie?" Emily replied incredulously. _

_"Yes, buttered popcorn, coke, milk duds...making out...the whole nine yards." _

_Emily blushed, "Richard Gilmore, we have not...done that...in a movie since we were engaged." _

_Richard smiled, "What do you say?" _

_She nodded, "Alright," _

_Richard turned the car to go towards the movie theater. They were about half way there when they realized that they had to drive past Lorelai's old school. Richard looked over at Emily anxiously. _

_"It's alright Richard, I'm fine," she said. _

_It wasn't before long that they reached the school. They had to stop because there was so much traffic. _

_"What in the world?" Emily asked, and then both of them were silent as they saw the commotion at the school. There were students all around, hugging each other and taking pictures, Lights were pouring out of the school, and lights from a disco on the bottom flour spilled out into the night sky. There was a big banner outside that said, "Congratulations Class of 1987!," and on the school sign, the announcement was in red and gold letters, "Graduation, 3:00 today." _

_"Oh Dear God," Emily said, taking in a sharp breath as her voice broke. _

_Richard said nothing; just turned the car around and headed for home. _

Yale campus was beautiful. Emily was glad Rory had gone to a place where the grounds were well kept. She was glad to be done with the awful commencement speaker, and was it a rule that all commencement's had to be hotter than Hell itself? She had been pumping Lorelai mercilessly for information on Rory and Logan and couldn't believe that Lorelai knew no more than Emily herself. She could tell Lorelai was getting annoyed with her, but she didn't care. Curiosity and complaining were two other means she had of distracting herself and she was using both in full force. Not only did she not want to think about Rory growing up, but the "What might have been" question was deep on her mind. Even after all this time, she still felt disappointed that it wasn't her daughter that was graduating with honors from some prestigious school and getting ready to set the world on fire. There was a part of her that had been hurt too, although she had no idea why, when Richard had suddenly referred to Lorelai as "Sweetheart." He used to call Lorelai that all the time when she was a little girl, to him she was "sweetheart," and to Emily she had been "angel." She couldn't remember the last time she had called her angel. Strangely, she felt jealous. It seemed as though Richard and Lorelai's relationship had been so much better since he had been released from the hospital. She shook her head at herself for thinking such ridiculous thoughts. She was jealous of Richard's heart attack--how it had changed the relationship he had with his daughter. So, she complained about the stupid speaker, and the Ray Charles woman sitting in front of her.

"Enjoy your daughter's graduation," Richard told Lorelai as she panicked about marking the time. "This is as much your moment as it is Rory's." he said and Lorelai Leigh Gilmore's name was read. She walked across the stage, so graceful, so elegant like. Lorelai stood up and clapped and Emily could see she was crying. "Congratulations Lorelai," she thought to herself, "You deserve this."

_"Rauol," she whispered sharply and pointed to Lorelai's row. She could imagine Lorelai's face when she saw the camera, but she didn't care. It was really happening, she was going to see her daughter in a cap and gown and get her diploma. She sat up so she could see Lorelai walk up to the stage and Richard leaned over and took her hand. _

_"This is your moment too Emlly," Richard whispered, "You raised her well." _

_Her eyes were focused on Lorelai, "I didn't do anything special Richard," she said, her voice breaking, _

_He leaned in more and kissed her, "Just look at her Emily," he whispered. _

_"Lorelai Victoria Gilmore," the announcer read and tears streamed down her cheeks. She came close to losing it when she saw Richard's face, the adoration he still held in his heart for his little girl, apparent in his beaming eyes. She gave up trying to fight off the inevitable when Lorelai stopped and looked at them. _

_"I love you," Emily thought, "I love you more than I have ever loved anything," _

_She reached in a got a tissue out of her purse, trying to regain some sense of control. _

"Mom? Mom are you planning on putting down stakes here?" Lorelai asked, bringing her out of her thoughts.

She looked up and saw that people were leaving. "My goodness, is it over?" she said, "That was too long. It's time for pictures...where's our Yale graduate?"

They all watched in anticipation as Rory and Logan talked, and Emily's heart sank as Rory handed the box back to Logan. She was about something to Lorelai about Rory getting her fear of commitment from her when she saw Logan walk away and Lorelai muttered, "Oh no."

Rory came back to the group and Lorelai hugged her, "I'm sorry Sweetie," she said. Rory smiled after they had separated; the sadness in her eyes palpable. "Who's up for ice cream?" she said brightly.

"I'm in," Emily said with excitement, trying to distract Rory now. "Where shall we go?" she asked.

"I want to go change real fast, I'll be right back," she said turning to leave.

"We'll wait," Lorelai said.

She turned to run and the rest of the group started to walk away and then Rory turned back and called out for Emily.

"Yes?" Emily said, turning around.

"I'm sorry. I want you to understand...I mean..."Rory stammered

"Rory, are you happy? That's all that matters to me," Emily replied and she really meant it.

"I will be," she said.

Emily reached down and squeezed her hand, then turned to join the others.


	3. Change of Heart

Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Thanks for all the feedback! I appreciate it! I figured I would update tonight to help me feel less sad about my Gilmore-less Tuesday. I hope you enjoy the next installment

A spa--her mother had had some nutty ideas in her time, but this one just about took the cake. She had to bite her cheek from laughing out loud at the image of Michel preparing a mud bath, or Patty and Babette getting a massage. Lorelai promised her mother that she would think about it, gave it about a half a second thought and then was glad that Rory came to bring the attention off of her mother. Now they could leave as soon as they were done and get back to planning their roller coaster tour.

A job--a job that was in Iowa, a job that required travel, a job that required her to leave in three days. Lorelai had a trick that she had learned when she was seven and had broke the Chinese geisha figurine with the green dress. When her mother had found out, she had been terrified but had found out that if she breathed slowly through her nose, she could appear to be absolutely calm. She had flatly denied breaking the heirloom and was, after grueling questioning, acquitted. She used that same defense now, and making sure her face had a smile on it. She knew her girl, how capable she was, but she also knew that she had raised a homebody at heart and that if she herself showed any apprehension, it would make things worse for Rory. Her parents had picked up on this as well, and were offering encouragement. Suddenly though, her mother spoke up,

"So, this is it. This is the last time we'll see you for awhile." A sad silence settled over them, until Lorelai smiled sadly, "After dinner drinks for sure," she said.

It was one of the best dinners they had had. No arguing, no complaining, just a family spending time together. They talked about Rory's job, and Richard and Emily planned to meet up with her for a day when she was in Chicago. No one looked at their watch, no one said they had other plans--no one wanted to end the last Friday night dinner for a very long time. Lorelai watched her parents as they talked, her father was more quiet than usual, and her mother was babbling about anything and everything. She felt sorry for them. As the night went on, her father's eyes became more and more sad and suddenly she realized they were all sitting there, trying to pull off a Band-Aid one centimeter by another painful centimeter. It just needed to be yanked off.

"Well guys," she said, "I guess we better get going. We need to hit Target on the way home."

Emily stood up, "Well then," she said brightly, "I guess we'll see you when we see you. You take care of yourself and don't sit by any shady looking men, or women for that matter, and don't forget to put your jacket when you are on the bus and remember, don't stare at them, and be friends with everyone and listen and do what you're told..."

Lorelai put her hand on Rory's shoulder, "Mom, she's not going to prison or kindergarten."

Her mother shot her a look, "I know that, I just want her to be safe." She stepped closer to Rory, and hugged her, "You remember, we're always here for you," she said.

Lorelai suddenly felt a shot of jealousy surge through her and she cursed herself for it. It was ridiculous. She started breathing through her nose again, trying to cover the emotion as quickly as it had come.

"I know," Rory said smiling. She kissed her grandmother on her cheek and then turned to her grandfather, "Grandpa," she said and then bit her lower lip. He said nothing, just brought her to him, cupping his hand on the back of her head. "Knock them dead," he whispered. Rory nodded, her eyes shining and turned away towards the car.

"Goodbye Lorelai" Emily said, "Remember, think about what I said."

"I will Mom," Lorelai said and Emily turned and walked away.

Lorelai stood at the door for a moment, with her father who was still looking sadly at his granddaughter.

"She'll be okay," she said, placing a hand on his arm.

"Of course she will," he said.

"Will you?" Lorelai said after a minute. She couldn't remember seeing her father so sad.

Richard turned and looked at her, putting an arm around her and tenderly kissing the top of her head, "Goodnight Sweetheart," he said.

"Goodnight Dad," she said, not even realizing that she was smiling.

_She dreamed of her father. She dreamed of how large his hands were and how small and safe her hand felt when she placed her it in his. She dreamed of a wedding...she didn't know whose and didn't care, but she dreamed of him coming across the room towards her and asking her to dance. She was four...no five. He lifted her up and placed her feet on top of his. Her took her small hands in his big ones and then they started dancing together. She looked into his eyes, and he smiled down at her. She let go of his hands and hugged his legs and laughed as she heard him laugh. She loved him, Oh how she loved this big strong daddy of hers. Then suddenly the music stopped, and her father reached down and wrenched her arms off of him. She stumbled back and began to cry. Her father looked at her, shook his head in disgust and walked away. "Daddy! Daddy wait!" she cried. _

_"Daddy!" she cried out and sat up in bed. It took her a moment to orient herself to her surroundings. She was in her room and a late night rerun of Golden Girls was on. For a moment, she laid down, glad that it was just a dream and then suddenly her hand drifted to her abdomen and she remembered...someone was growing inside of her. Suddenly she was very scared of the dark and reached for her teddy bear that was on her shelf. She hugged it tightly to her--pregnant, It was the word Mrs. Haney her and Chris's health teacher spelled out when she talked about the consequences of what happens when little boys and girls don't wait until they are married to have s-e-x. She was going to have a baby. Another human being was growing inside of her...it was like something from the Twilight Zone. What would she do? What could she do? Could she deny Christopher his life by being saddled to her father's insurance business and a wife and a child at sixteen. Sixteen--she was sixteen and was going to be a mom. It killed her to leave school, the drama club was doing Grease for the school musical and Mrs. Canning had told her she wanted her to try out for Sandy. She was going to talk Christopher into trying out for Danny. Next year the Junior class were having their prom on the Sadie Q, a fancy yacht. She already had her dress picked out. Now there would be no junior prom, there would be no more college, no more school at all...maybe she should talk to Mrs. Canning about playing Rizzo--she'd be a shoo-in. _

_She got out of her bed and wrapped her robe around her. She was about to go down the hall to back stairs that led to the kitchen when she noticed that the downstairs living room light was on. She turned and walked towards it, stopping at the stairs to eavesdrop. She had had just about enough of her parents planning her life. She heard nothing, and so she walked slowly down the stairs. Her father was sitting in the living room alone. He was staring at the fire and he looked small...she had never imagined her father could look small. In one hand he clutched a glass of scotch. Her father always drank scotch when he was mad. There was something in his other hand, and she shifted her glance to see what it was...it was a picture of her. _

_"Dad..." she said quietly, approaching him. _

_He turned towards her, startled and the way he looked at her devastated her all over again, _

_"You should be in bed," he said, "You have a busy day ahead of you...finals this week." _

_"I'm ready for them," she said quietly and he shut his eyes briefly in pain and then turned to her. _

_"Have you told your teachers you won't be coming back for next term?" he asked. _

_She nodded, "Dad...can we...can we talk?" _

_He put his glasses on and picked up a book, "I'm reading Lorelai," _

_"Dad...I'm..."_

_He showed her the picture he was holding, the portrait she had taken when she was nine. "I remember the day the photographer took this. He asked you what you were studying in school and you brought him into this lively discussion about World War 2 and you knew all the battles and you just sat there, talking to him about all you were learning and you...you were on fire. I never saw such a girl...I never saw such a girl who loved to learn more." _

_"Oh Dad, for God's sake," Lorelai whispered. _

_Richard turned and looked at her. "I don't..."his voice became husky, "I don't even know who you are anymore," _

_Lorelai said nothing, just turned and walked upstairs. She laid back down on her bed, and smoothing her hand over her abdomen again, began planning her escape. _

"We need to talk," Rory said taking a handful of cheetos, pushing pause and turning towards her mother.

"Let me guess, you are quitting Yale...oh wait," her mother said, grabbing her own handful and turning towards her daughter.

"Ha, Ha, Ha...no actually I need to talk about Friday nights," Rory said popping a cheeto into her mouth.

"I'd much rather talk about oh...Sunday morning,"

"Mom,"

"Alright, Alright, what about it?"

"What exactly are you going to be doing on Friday nights from now on."

"Well Mother, I'm actually planning on taking Bug my boyfriend out every night. You are just going to love his tattoo and as soon as you see his motorbike, you are so going to let me ride on it."

"Mom!"

"Sorry, um yes, Friday nights. Well...honestly Hon, I haven't given it much thought."

"Are you going to keep going to Friday night dinner? I think it would really mean a lot to Grandpa and Grandma."

Lorelai rolled her eyes, "You know, the whole go-between thing that you have...you know, going between your parents and your grandparents, you so do not need to carry that around with you on the campaign. I mean, you are going to have enough luggage."

"And you do realize that I stopped buying the whole 'I hate my parent's routine' at like age six right?" Rory countered. "Mom, please...just think about it. I mean...think about how much it really would mean to Grandma."

"You're unbelievable," Lorelai said. "I mean, after everything, you still are so considerate of their feelings.

"Mom...a lot of what happened in the past was my fault. Seriously, I know it would mean a lot to her and to me too."

Lorelai reached out and patted her daughter's hand. "I will think about it."

The three days passed like minutes. Why did time always have to pass so fast when you were dreading something? During the day she was supermom, organizing everything, packing everything she would need and still having time to give advice, buoy Rory up, and watch a movie or two with her daughter, laughing and talking as if nothing were happening. Night though was a different story. She lay awake, thinking of her girl, remembering everything she could as if she was trying to commit everything to memory--her first step, the first time she recognized her mother out of a crowded room, the way she and Lane purposely would fall down in their matching pumpkin costumes she had made them and roll around laughing while they were trick or treating. She could close her eyes and see her so clearly at her first day in Miss Patty's ballet class, she could see her in the corduroy jumper she had made for her first day in Kindergarten, and the way her tongue stuck out through her missing front teeth. The day she found out she was going to Chilton...her acceptance to Harvard, Princeton and Yale, her graduation from high school, her first day at Yale, and their dream...her graduation from Yale. She got up and went slowly downstairs, stopping at her daughter's doorway. How many more times would she see Rory sleeping in that bed again? She started to cry as she moved towards her. She sat at the side of the bed and just watched her daughter sleeping. She loved her more than she had ever loved anything. She was so grateful that she had been allowed to be this girl's mother. She stood up and looked at her dresser, all packed except for pictures. There were a few of her and Lane, one of her and Paris. Most of them were of her and Lorelai. Suddenly, her eyes focused on a picture of Rory and her grandparents. As she saw her mother, something hit her like a ton of bricks, and it was almost like a voice resounded in her head. "She never got this chance."

She turned back to her daughter in the bed. Her mother never had been able to have this chance. She never got the chance to shop for things her daughter would need, or spend every single last precious moment she could with her. She had never been able to be a part of the fun, and had never had the chance to sit at the side of her daughter's bedside. She had never had the chance to say goodbye.

The party floored her--it floored both of them. What a family they had acquired when they came her, a scared little girl and her baby. This town had taken them in, adopted them, and now they were sending Rory off. How had Sookie pulled this off? She laughed as Kirk gave Rory the nightie sash--it was good to know in the biggest change of her life, that some things still remained the same. She looked up and saw her parents, "I see Mom and Dad," she said to Rory and went towards them. It striked her how well and perfect they looked together. Dad, so tall and protecting, Mom--with her ramrod straight posture and perfect elegance. She remembered how scared her mom had been when Dad had been sick, the breakdown she had in the gift store--one of the few times she had ever seen her mother vulnerable. Then her eyes focused on her father and he smiled and waved.

_She dreamed of her father. She dreamed of a picnic in the park...just the three of them. She was four. Still small enough to be picked up. Daddy was the strongest man in the world. He picked her up and tossed her high up in the air, laughing his large deep laugh. "Again," she would cry. "Again! Again!" and Daddy would fly her. "Richard be careful," Mommy would say. But she knew Daddy would catch her. He would always catch her. _

_"Lorelai...Lorelai" her father's voice was not booming...it was small. "Lorelai," _

_She shook her head as she awoke. She was in her father's hospital room, she had volunteered to stay with him while her mother went home and slept for a few hours. "I'm sorry Dad, I must have drifted off." _

_"Are you alright?" he asked, his words still coming slow in between deep breaths. _

_She leaned in closer to him, "Says the man with the tubes coming out of his nose." _

_"Where's your mother?" he asked. _

_"She went home for a few hours." _

_He smiled, "That's good." _

_She leaned forward closer to him, "Is there anything I can get you Dad? Anything at all?" _

_He turned and looked at her, and the softness in his features made her eyes sting. He lifted a hand and tenderly placed it on the side of her cheek. "No..." he said softly, "I've got everything I need...Sweetheart...everything I need." He smiled and then turned and drifted off to a peaceful sleep, leaving a bewildered daughter holding his hand. _

"This party is a testament to you and the home you've made here," he said...and she found herself staring at him. He was under no anesthetics, no pain killers, this was broad daylight. "I regret..." he started and her mother stopped him. But Lorelai couldn't hear her mother.

"It takes..." Richard stopped and drew in a sharp breath. That did her in, tears started to flow. "It takes a remarkable person to inspire all of this," he finished.

"Thanks Dad," she said and for a moment the two of them just looked at each other.

_He's proud of me. He's actually proud of me. _

_My Girl...look what my girl has made of herself. _

"Alright! That's enough, it isn't though the two of you are saying goodbye!" her mother said. Richard smiled and winked at her.

Tennis courts--a huge bubble at the dragonfly--what was next--carnival rides? The word loan felt like a combination of a paper cut and fingernails on a chalkboard. What did this woman want from her? She had blocked her mother out until she heard the words, "We'd have to get together to hash out the details, but we wouldn't become nuisances."

Ah--so that was it.

"Mom, why don't we just get talk about it Friday night at dinner?"

She liked seeing the small flicker of delight that crept into her mother's features. She liked knowing that she put it there. She wanted to put it there again.

"It's an honor to be your grandmother Rory Gilmore," her mother told her daughter and the two hugged. Her mother started to cry and her father put his strong hands on her shoulders. Rory walked them to the car and before Lorelai turned to Sookie to thank her for the party, she watched them for a few minutes. Rory had her arm around her grandmother and vice versa. She was glad they had come, glad that she had told her mother she would still have Friday night dinner. But as she watched her mother and Rory together, the old nagging jealously resurfaced.

She wondered if it would ever really go away.


	4. One step forward Two steps back

Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Thank you for all the feedback. I enjoy it a lot. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope you enjoy this next installment.

She stared at her daughter, only allowing a small smile to creep into her features. Friday night dinners would continue! She kept her hand clenched on her purse because she felt like clapping them together in excitement like she did when she was a little girl. Thankfully, she was able to cover excitement quickly with an order about the dress code. She didn't want to show too much excitement in front of Lorelai. She just wanted to hold on to the joy she felt. She didn't want Lorelai to ruin it with some snide comment. She looked at her daughter for a moment, under the distraction of Richard and Rory coming to meet them. Her girl was so beautiful.

Emily turned to her other little girl, and suddenly tears were stinging in her eyes. She remembered back to a night long ago, when the exhausted sixteen year old mother had been walking the floor with a screaming infant at three o'clock in the morning and she had volunteered to take over for awhile so her daughter could get some sleep. She remembered taking the infant in her arms, walking the hall back and forth, murmuring comforting little sounds she had almost forgotten how to make. The baby calmed and began to coo softly. Emily gently sat down in the rocking chair in the nursery and brought the baby forward. Such big blue eyes! It was like going back in time. She reached up and wrapped a finger in the soft black hair--it curled perfectly. How could a mistake be so perfect? The baby reached up her hands in a happy motion as if to say, "It's okay Grandma, everything will be okay now." Emily brought the child to her and kissed her cheek. This beautiful creation was no mistake.

"It's an honor to be your grandmother Rory Gilmore," she said, her voice shaking. Rory hugged her and she felt herself losing control more. She cursed herself for being so vulnerable.

"Come on, I'll walk you guys to your car," Rory said and she felt Richard's strong hands on her shoulders. Rory put her arm around her and she put her arm around her girl. It felt so good. There was a time when she was sure she had lost this one too, the one that sat for portraits simply because she loved her grandfather, the one who came out to society when she didn't have the slightest clue what that meant, simply because she wanted to make her grandmother happy. It had killed her the day Rory had turned against her as well, humiliating her at the DAR function after scaring the daylights out of her when she didn't come home. But here they were, with their arms wrapped around each other. She turned and looked at Rory as they walked--my how the time had gone.

_"Earth to Grandma, come in Grandma," Rory said a few minutes after she walked out in the dress Emily had bought her for Hopie's dinner party. _

_"I'm sorry Sweetie," Emily said still in a daze. _

_"What's the matter? Does it look that bad?" Rory asked, turning and looking in the mirror at the black silk gown. _

_"Oh...Heaven's no," she went towards her and tenderly fingered a piece of her granddaughter's hair. "You look radiant." _

_Rory turned and smiled, "Thanks Grandma. Thanks for all of this, it's all just amazing...Grandma...are you alright?" _

_Emily seemed to still be in a daze as she gently caressed the girl's hair and the eyes of a child seeing her first porcelain doll. _

_"Grandma?" Rory prodded as she noticed that her grandmother's eyes were shining and her lower lip trembling a little. _

_"Well, are you ready to go?" Emily asked, grabbing her shawl and wrapping it around her shoulders. _

_"Grandma...wait, sit down for a minute," Rory said and pulled her grandmother to a chair. "I know you don't get that choked up over my beauty." _

_Emily smiled, "Oh of course I do...Grown men cry when they see how beautiful my granddaughter is." _

_"Grandma," Rory prodded, her eyes serious. _

_Emily looked up at her, her eyes sad, "You'll think it's silly." _

_"Try me," Rory said._

_"It doesn't go outside this room?" _

_Rory nodded. _

_"It's just...right then," she stopped and swallowed to try and gain control, "You just looked so much like your mother." _

_The girl said nothing, just hugged her grandmother tightly. Emily held on to her and choked out a few sobs, "Don't tell her okay?" she whispered. _

_"Why?" Rory asked. _

_"Because I love her," she whispered as she held tighter to her granddaughter. _

_She knew Rory didn't understand but she felt her nod and when they seperated, Emily placed a hand on Rory's cheek. "Thank you for coming with me Rory." she said. _

_Rory hugged her grandmother again, "You're not alone Grandma," she whispered. _

"Well young lady," Richard said, his voice getting husky. "We keep saying goodbye."

"I appreciate you both so much--for everything, thank you," Rory replied and after a few moments she bit her lower lip and looked down at the ground, when she looked up there were tears in her eyes and that set Emily off again. "I didn't think it was going to be this hard to say goodbye...again," Rory said and reached up and wiped her tears away. "I love you both,"

Richard and Emily both hugged her to them, "We love you too," Richard whispered, and cupped his hand on the back of her head.

"One thing?" Rory asked still hugging the two of them.

"Anything," Emily responded.

"Take care of Mom," she said and with that, she turned and walked back to the party wiping away her tears.

The grandparents watched her go for a moment and then Richard put his hand on his wife's back and opened the car door for her.

"Richard,"Emily said as she watched Rory, "If things had turned out the way they were supposed to then we wouldn't have Rory."

"I know Emily," Richard said as he placed a hand on his wife's shoulder, squeezed it and then drove away.

She was delighted when her daughter called her the next night out of the blue just to "see what's up." She had half a dozen things to do for the symphony board fundraiser the following day, but she put all that aside when her daughter called. They talked about Rory, about the inn, they debated the spa idea a little more, and then Lorelai said she had to go. The next night the phone rang again, and Lorelai had a question about planting daffodils of all things. Emily had wondered if this was the same girl who at twelve had told her gardening was disgusting. She told her that it was too late for planting daffodils and the conversation ended. The next night, when Lorelai called and told her she desperately needed to borrow Emily's tea service because they were having a tea the very next day at Dragonfly Inn, Emily had wondered if her daughter had gone crazy.

"No, I'm not doing anything. Of course, I'll bring it over right now," she said to Lorelai on the phone.

"What on earth is wrong with that girl?" she said to her husband as she packed up the tea service.

"She actually wanted to borrow the tea set?" Richard asked, as perplexed as his wife was.

"Yes, and yesterday she called and wanted information on planting daffodils--daffodils Richard! This s the same girl who would even touch the been sprout in a Dixie cup she brought home from Kindergarten."

Suddenly, Richard realized what was happening and she placed his hand on his wife's elbow. "Emily, she's lonely."

"That's ridiculous Richard, she's got Sookie, she's got the whole nut bin town, why in the world would she come to me if she was lonely."

"I think that's exactly what she's doing," Richard replied.

She doubted it all the way to Stars Hollow, but when she saw her daughter's face when she answered the front door, Emily knew her husband and been right. When Lorelai invited her in and asked her to have a cup of coffee her, a warmth went through Emily like a warm bath.

_She's lonely...she's lonely and she came to me._

They talked about nothing inparticular, the inn, the DAR, Richard's job, and then Lorelai swallowed and said, "Guess what...Luke and I are back together."

Emily wasn't thrilled about the news, but she saw the look in her daughter's eyes and at that moment, with the two of them sitting that awful couch and drinking coffee, her daughter could have told her she was dating Jethro Clampett and Emily wouldn't have cared. "That's good," Emily said. "You seem happy."

"I am," Lorelai replied smiling.

"That's good dear."

There was a long pause of conversation but it wasn't awkward. Both just were genuinely enjoying the other's company. Then Lorelai turned and looked towards Rory's room.

"I didn't think it was going to be this hard," Lorelai said, looking down and fingering the rim of her mug.

Emily took a long sip, "Well, it's what all mothers go through, letting go of their children."

"I know, its just that...I mean even when she was gone to Yale, she was home every other weekend, we talked on the phone everyday, emailed everyday, and now...she's really gone. Twenty two years is a long time, you love someone, you raise them, you care about them, and then...they leave."

Emily tried to steady herself against the wave of emotions that came with that last sentence. Not only was her daughter confiding in her, something she had rarely done in the thirty-nine years she had none her, but she was also describing exactly what Emily herself had felt all those years ago.

"For Heaven's sake Lorelai, she's not dead. You'll still have your relationship," she scolded, feeling an odd desire to laugh at the sheer irony of it all, and cry at the same time.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes and Lorelai looked at her mother, "Why didn't you ever tell me you came to the Independence Inn and met Mia? Why didn't you tell me you asked her for pictures?"

"When did you find that out?"

"At the wedding, Mia told me,"

"Of course she did,"

"Mom, why didn't you tell me?"

She turned to her daughter and looked at her long and hard, "What would you have said? That I was being controlling? Interfering? Manipulative?"

"That's not fair."

"Why did she tell you anyway?" Emily asked.

"Because..." she said quietly, " I told her that I thought I had to leave your house because I was an embarrassment to you. I couldn't stand that anymore. She told me that's wasn't the impression she got when you came to see her. She said you asked for pictures."

"I thought you left because I was a controlling dictator,"

"Yeah...there was a little of that too," Lorelai smiled and shrugged, trying to lighten the mood and then she reached over and placed a hand on her mother's hand. "I seriously had no idea how hard it was Mom."

Emily turned towards her daughter, her heart beating quickly with nervousness. "I got through it. You will too."

Lorelai nodded, and Emily smiled an encouraging smile at her. "Well," she said, "Your father will be wondering what happened to me, I better go. Thank you for the coffee," Lorelai nodded and stood up to take the coffee cups back into the kitchen.

"Lorelai..." Emily called after her when she was almost to the kitchen.

"Yeah?"

"I was never ashamed. Hurt, sad, disappointed...but never once ashamed."

Lorelai took a step back, surprised by her mother's revelation. She nodded in understanding.

"Why did you call me?" Emily asked Lorelai, when she came back in to the living room. "Why didn't you call Sookie? Or Luke?"

Lorelai sighed and then shrugged, "I wanted to talk to someone who knows what this is like, who understands how awful this feels."

Emily put her hand on her daughter's shoulder as they walked to the door. "I do," she replied. "I do understand."

Lorelai nodded, "Thanks Mom."

"See you Friday," Emily said as she walked out to the car.

"See you Friday," Lorelai replied.

"Emily, I'm starving," Richard complained at 7:40 on Friday night. "Can't we start without her?"

"You know better than that," Emily replied, looking at her watch. "She'll be here soon."

"She must get this from your side of the family. Gilmore's are never late," Richard huffed, shaking his paper in frustration.

"I'll call her cell," Emily said, "She's probably just stuck in traffic," she dialed the number, intending to lecture her daughter on leaving enough time to allow for traffic jams. To her surprise, she didn't answer her cell. She called her house and there was no answer there either.

"No answer?" Richard asked.

"No," Emily said, "Maybe she got stuck at work," she said, dialing the inn and intending to give her daughter a lecture on calling if you aren't going to be able to make it to some place.

"Hello, Dragonfly Inn, Michel speaking," She wondered if he perpetually sounded annoyed when he was working.

"Hello Michel this is Mrs. Gilmore, is my daughter there?"

"Ah no, Mrs. Gilmore, she left here about four o'clock to have a date with Mr. Scruffy Diner Man and left me here to cover for her."

Emily felt a short stab go through her, and she pursed her lips together. "I see," she said after a minute, "Well, you have a good evening Michel."

"Thank you Emily," Michel said sweetly.

She went to her address book and looked up the number for the diner. She was annoyed that she actually had the number for the diner down in her notebook as one of the contacts for her daughter. A diner!

"Hello Luke's, this is Zach,"

"Is Lorelai Gilmore in your establishment?" Emily asked curtly.

"Ah no, she and Luke took off awhile ago Mam, can I take a message if she comes back in?"

"Yes, you can tell her that her mother called!" she said, raising her voice and slamming the receiver down.

"Emily?" Richard asked putting down the paper.

"I knew it, I knew this would happen I just knew it," she said pacing back and forth.

"Knew what?"

"I knew that as soon as that moron came back into her life that it would change. I knew it!"

"Emily, maybe she just forgot, lost track of the time."

"No Richard, she just chose not to come. Don't you know that's the way it works with Lorelai Gilmore? She wants you around just as long as you don't say or do anything that happens to not fall in line with her perfect little world, or as long as someone else more important comes along...well, say goodbye to our daughter dear, because someone more important just came along."

"Emily, you're overreacting."

"I am so stupid Richard, I am so unbelievably stupid. I mean after the other night, I thought we..." she shook her head, "I am so stupid."

They ate in silence, both missing Rory and missing the way their family was when she was around. After dinner they read for a little while, when the phone rang and broke the silence

"If that's her I don't want to talk to her! I don't want to hear her excuses!" Emily said

Richard picked up the phone, "Hello? Luke?" he said in surprise. "Um…no, she's not here. She never came here." Emily turned to him and suddenly noticed that a deep furrow had lined Richard's forehead--he was worried. "Yes, yes if we hear from her we'll have her call you."

"What is it?" Emily asked

Richard seemed dazed, "Um...that was Luke, and he said that Lorelai left him over three hours ago to come here. She was supposed to meet back up with him."

For a moment, the two parents just stared at each other in silence. Without saying a word, Richard went to the hall and grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. Emily sat down on the couch. She was delayed by traffic--that was all, she had to have been delayed by traffic. She looked down and saw that her hands were shaking.

_"Lorelai! We are leaving! Please acknowledge that!" she shouted up the stairs. If there was one thing that drove her mad it was when her daughter ignored her. She could take the yelling, the insults, the fights, but when her daughter simply refused to acknowledge her. In years to come she would remember everything about that moment, the way Richard was complaning about his scarf, the scent of the polish on the banister. She would remember exactly the way the note felt in her hands and the way the feeling seemed to go out of her legs when she opened up the letter and read the words, _

_Dear Emily and Richard, _

_I am leaving here with Rory. I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore. It's time for me to leave. Don't bother looking for me. I will call when I get settled. _

_Lorelai _

_She would always remember the fear that started in her chest and seemed to squeeze the life out of her. She couldn't hear Richard call her, all she saw were those words on the page. She felt Richard lean down and take the note out of her hands. "Richard, what do we do?" _

_"I'll call the police," Richard said, his voice shaking. _

_Richard had lasted for five minutes after that when he said he was going to go look for her. She had never seen him looking so shattered. She walked the halls, the quiet causing her anxiety to grow. She didn't know it was possible to be so scared. _

_"Do you have a description of the two?" The dark haired policeman asked her_

_"She's um...sixteen, dark beautiful black hair, the biggest blue eyes you've ever seen. The baby turned a year old last month and she has dark hair as well...um." _

_"Do you have a picture.?" _

_"Yes," she said, walking over to the mantle, "We took one last week," _

_It was then that the poor mother completely gave herself over to this living nightmare. She clenched the picture in her hand , too scared to cry, too scared to move, too scared to breath. If having children meant feeling like this--it wasn't worth it. Nothing was worth this. _

The phone rang and she ran to it, "Lorelai?"

"No Mrs. Gilmore, it's Luke,"

"Luke, have you heard from her? Is she okay?"

She would always remember where she was when she heard Luke's voice, heavy and scared. She would remember how her legs felt numb, how heavy the phone felt in her hand.

"Okay, yes, we'll be there," she hung up the phone and barely heard it clatter to the ground. She would always remember the sound of her footsteps resounding through the hall as she ran out the door, the smell of the polish on the stairs. She saw Richard's car approaching from the street.

"Richard!" she screamed and he careened up the driveway.

"Luke, just called," she cried as he got out of the car and ran up to her. "His number was in her wallet. Richard, she's been in a car accident. She's hurt...She's hurt badly."


	5. The Many Levels of Hell

Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story and no copyrght infringment is intended.

Author's Note: Sorry to take so long to update again. I had some deadlines I needed to meet. I know that was an awful place to leave off and I hope this chapter will make up for it.

She did not know Hell had so many levels. The first time her daughter had told her that she hated her, she had entered the first level and didn't think anything could hurt that bad. Lorelai was twelve and they had fought over Christopher. That was the only thing she could remember about the fight--that it was about Christopher, but she would never forget the slap those words had as her only child yelled them in her face. She had been so angry, banishing the child to her room, yelling up the stairs that she didn't want to see her for the rest of the night. As soon as she had heard the door slam, she cried out in pain as if she had been physically hurt. Each time after that she shut down a little more. When her daughter left her, it ripped open a hell that was more deep, more terrifying than anything she could imagine. Night after endless night of crying for her baby. During the time she and Richard had separated and spent their dreadul months apart she had come to know another type of Hell as she was apart from the man she loved. And then they had reconciled only to lose her daughter again on the night of their vow renewal. Time and time again, each time her daughter hurt her she experienced a new facet of Hell, Rory left her and opened up a whole new pain, and then just a few months ago...there was the girl from the club where she had been exercising telling her that she had a phone call. She needed to get to the hospital, and she needed to hurry. And now...there was a new Hell, one that brought a raw terror unlike anything she had ever experienced. She had been scared when Richard had his heart attack, she had been terrified of losing him...but this was different. She remembered back to when Annabelle Sudberry's son had been killed in Desert Storm. She had come to her friend, who was staring out the window and sat with her. Annabelle didn't speak, just stared until finally after an hour and half whispered, "No child should die before their mother." She had turned to Emily and said in a haunting voice, "Something in you dies the day you bury your child." Those words resounded in her head. Yes, she had been terrified that Richard would die. But the thought of losing her child, knowing that a part of her was hurt and could be...She ran her hands through her hair. "Hurry Richard," she whispered in a terrible voice.

But Richard, with his hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were as white as snow, needed no prompting to hurry.

"Try her again Emily," Richard said after they turned on the street to the hospital. Emily pulled out her cellphone and pushed 3 on the speed dial.

"Hi, this is Rory," her granddaughter's familiar voice picked up as soon as she had dialed, "I'm away from my phone, please leave me a message."

She cursed under her breath and then tried the best to clear the fear out of her voice as she heard the beep, "Hi Sweetie, it's your grandmother again, give me a call when you get this message. It's important." She didn't want to tell Rory what had happened over a message, especially since they didn't know anything yet.

"Where is she?" Richard whispered hoarsely.

"It's only seven in California Richard," Emily said, "She's probably at some sort of rally."

They pulled into a parking lot and Emily was out the door before the car stopped completely. She grabbed Richard's hand and they hurried into the ER.

She wasn't sure if it was the smell of the alchohol, the deafening cry of a baby down the hall, or the words, "ICU" "Needs surgery" and "You need to wait over there," that caused the undoing the last thread control she had over the situation. This time she did not argue, didn't yell, she simply turned and walked through the doors determined to find her child. Calls for her to wait, from Richard and the nurses, went ignored. She was oblivious to all else as she strided through the halls like a mad woman looking at every chart for Lorelai Gilmore. Finally she felt Richard's strong arm around her, steadying her, and he whispered,

"She's not here Emmy, she's in ICU."

She turned towards the nurse who was out of breath from following her, "How do I get there?" she asked.

The nurse drew in a deep breath, "Mam, I know this must be frightening to you, but I need you to come to the waiting room. A doctor will be out there shortly to speak with you."

Emily Gilmore drew herself up to her full height and pursed her lips, "It seems to me you have a simple choice, you can either tell me where my child is, or you can call security and have me restrained, its entirely up to you," she said firmly and wrenching herself from Richard's embrace she continued down the hall. Richard made no attempt to stop her after that, just grabbed her hand and held on to it, as if to assure her that he had her and that he wasn't going to let go. They found ICU on the third floor and there was a doctor waiting for them at the door.

"Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore," he said, "I'm Dr. Keller I'm one of the physicians that has been working on your daughter, "I'm told you need some answers."

"How is she?" Richard asked, his voice sounding as though he was gasping for air.

The doctor took a deep breath, "She was trapped in the car for forty-five minutes after the accident. She was pined up against the headboard. As a result, she is bleeding internally. She's being prepped for surgery right now. She has a severe concussion, three broken ribs, her left leg is broken in seven places, her right lung has collapsed and we had to insert a tube down her throat to help her to breathe. She lost a lot of blood at the scene and so..."

But the mother could hear no more, for at that moment it became clear to her just how deeply, how fiercely she loved her child. "Get out of my way," she said. "I want to see her."

"Mam, we can't allow you to..."

"Get out of my way!" she thundered. Richard reached forward and held her back. "No," she cried out, trying to wrench out of Richard's hold on her. "Let me see her!" she yelled, "I want to see my baby!" Richard whispered gently to her, as he tried to move her down the hallway but she was oblivious, "Let me see her! Richard I want to see her!" she screamed.

"I could give her something," the doctor said to Richard, but he shook his head, "She'll be fine. Please let us know the minute our daughter is out of surgery."

"No!" Emily screamed again and finally made her way out of Richard's grasp. She hurried to the doctor, "Please," she said desperately, "Please, I just need to see her, I won't say anything, please just let me see her for a moment."

"Alright," the doctor said after a long pause, "Just for a few minutes."

She reached back for Richard's hand and the two of them went through the doors into ICU. The doctor motioned at the second room down the hall. They came into the room and Emily took in a sharp breath at the sight of her child--so still, so white, lying in the bed. Three nurses were quickly over her, preparing her for surgery. The only sound in the room was the sound of the machine, beeping out proof that her daughter still was alive. She walked closer, and reached out her hand to touch her. She brushed her fingers over her daughter's hand.

"I love you,"she whispered, tears spilling over onto her cheeks. "Lorelai, I love you."

"We have to go," the doctor said as he stepped forward and placed a hand on her elbow, "Mrs. Gilmore I promise we will do everything we can." They moved the bed out the door and Richard and Emily followed it down the hall until they could go no further. Dr. Keller turned to them as they watched their daughter being rolled away.

"Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore," he said gravely, "Lorelai is in a very weakened state right now. She is very unstable right now, but I have to tell you that if she does not have the operation, she will die."

Emily sucked in a deep breath.

"We will do everything we can, but we have to tell you, that because of her weakened state, she may not survive the operation."

Richard put his arm around his wife, who was starting to fall, "Do everything you can," he whispered and the doctor disappeared down the hall.

"I was so angry," Emily whispered as Richard turned her and led her to the waiting room, "I was so angry at her, and all that time...Richard, all that time, she was there trapped, alone, and afraid..."

The poor woman could go no further and her husband reached down and picked her up in his arms, carrying her down the hall to the waiting room. When he opened the door, they saw Luke sitting in a chair, with his head in his hands.

He set his shaking wife down in a chair, his heart pounding so hard he could hear it in his head. Once again he had to be the strong one when he felt no strength himself. His wife held onto his shirt for a moment, as if she was trying to draw strength out of him. There was silence in the room for a long while, none of the three knowing what to say. Emily felt embaressed at being so vulnerable in front of Luke, but was too lost in fear to care. Richard kept his hand on his wife's shoulder, and Luke looked at them and envied them for having someone there to comfort each other.

"Luke, have you heard from Rory?" Richard asked hoarsely and at the mention of her granddaughter's name, Emily stifled a sob.

"No," Luke said, "I've been trying since I heard. She's got her phone off."

"Did you tell her anything on the message?" Richard asked.

"No," he replied simply, and then it was back to silence.

For an hour the silence went on, the only sound being the methodic tick of the clock. Emily concentrated on breathing--in and out, in and out, and it was if she was trying to breathe for her girl, somewhere in that hospital. Luke lay back in his chair and stared at the ceiling, trying to count the number of little black dots, trying to concentrate on anything other than the woman he loved...yes, the woman he loved. He didn't know how much until he had gotten that call. When she had left him, walked away down the street to another man's arms, he was angry he couldn't see straight. All he knew was the anger, and then later on, as the anger died down he had realized how deeply he was hurt, how terrible it was to be with out her. Slowly, bit by bit, they had patched their wounds, told each other that they were sorry and had been able to build a friendship back. Then finally, at a glorious moment she had kissed him and there was a God. He held her close and there was such a thing as redemption. He took her face and held it in his hands and he knew he could go home again. And now, he had got her back, only to face losing her again.

Richard was sitting next to his wife and holding her hand. Finally, he stood, "I'm going to try Rory again. If I can't get her cellphone I'll call the police and have her tracted down," and made his way to the door. He had to do something.

"Richard don't leave me," Emily said, speaking for the first time in an hour.

"I'm going to find Rory," he said, putting his hand on her shoulder.

She looked up at him, shaking violently, "Don't leave me."

"I'll go," Luke said and Richard nodded to him and Luke left.

Richard placed a hand over his wife's.

She closed her eyes and tried to remember a time when she felt no fear.

_She was tired, oh she was so tired, but she was not afraid. _

_"Push!" Joshua commanded, "Push hard!" and she bore down and gave it all she had. There was a person inside of her, a real person that she and Richard had created and she was depending on her. She knew it was a girl, from the first moment she found out she was pregnant she had known it was a girl. _

_"Keep pushing, keep pushing!" Joshua prodded, "We almost have it." _

_Perspiration dripped off of her like a faucet, and with each contraction she felt as though this little girl was draining all the life out of her. She longed for Richard, wanted him near her, but also knew that if he was, he would probably be fainting. _

_"Okay, sit back Emily," Joshua said, "We're there on the next contraction." _

_"Is...she...okay?'" she gasped as she tried to catch her breath. _

_"The baby's fine," Joshua assured her, "Can you hang in there with me?" _

_She nodded as she felt the next wave of pain hit. _

_"Push Emily! Push hard!" Joshua was shouting, "Keep going! You can do it!" _

_She was dying, she knew it. She felt no more life in her. Her eyes shut, welcoming death_

_Richard...I love you._

_And then, beyond the haze, beyond the pain...she heard a baby cry. _

_She opened her eyes again and saw the nurse wiping off the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. It was a baby, a real baby with thick dark hair and a wail that could probably be heared halfway down the hall. _

_"Congratulations Emily," Joshua said, "You have a beautiful baby girl." _

_"Give her to me," she pleaded as she held out her weak arms. The nurse placed the baby in her arms. "Congratulations Mommy," she said smiling. _

_Mommy...she was a mommy. She would never in the years to come after that be able to describe what happened when they placed her baby in her arms for the first time. She placed shaking along the side of her baby's face--it was so soft. The baby had stopped crying and was looking at her with big blue eyes that seemed to be studying her as well. A feeling washed over, like one of the giant waves that crashed on the sea at her childhood summer home. It was like being inside joy, and was so intense, so beautiful, that tears coursed down her cheeks and trickled down onto her daughter...her daughter! She didn't know it was possible to love something so completely, so perfectly. She reached down and nuzzled the top of her baby's head, "I love you," she whispered, "I will always love you." _

_"Emmy," she heard him call her name and she turned to him, standing in the doorway. She could tell from his eyes that he had been through his own fourteen hour ordeal, forced to wait and worry. "Are you alright?" he asked hoarsely. _

_She nodded, "I'm fine Richard, I'm just fine," she tilted the baby towards him. "Come meet your daughter." _

_He stepped towards her, and she had to smile at how nervous he looked. Oh how she loved this man. She handed him the little girl, and smiled in delight as the new daddy took her in his arms. He had an almost reverent look on his face, as he gently held the child who watched him with fascinaton. She looked so tiny in his arms. He sat down on the bed next to his wife and looked into her eyes. _

_"I love you Emily Gilmore," he said, touching the side of her face. _

_Her eyes filled with tears again, "I love you too Richard," she said smiling. He shifted the baby to one hand and then cradled his wife's head against his heart with the other. _

_"I love you too," she said again, in speechless and absolute happiness. _

She couldn't let go of his hand. She held on to it, like it was the cement that was holding everything together. If she let go, she would completely fall apart. He occasionally gave it a squeeze, and occasionally would lean over and tenderly kiss her cheek, murmuring words of comfort.

But she knew he was just as scared as she was.

She wished desperately for some distraction, something to disturb the quiet. Richard had suggested they take a walk, but she was frozen to that seat. She couldn't move.

Luke walked into the room, their eyes met and she could see the torture that was there as well.

"Anything?" Luke asked.

Richard shook his head, "Did you get a hold of Rory?" he asked.

"No," Luke said shaking his head. "She's still not answering."

Emily leaned into Richard's shoulder, "What are we going to do?" she whispered.

"I think we should call the police," Richard said.

"I think that would just scare her more," Luke said. "I think we should keep calling and wait until she hears it from us."

"But what if..." Richard started and then heard his wife draw in a sharp breath. None of them could say it, none of them could even imagine the unthinkable.

..._what if she doesn't get here in time._

The silent shroud descended on the room again, the clock ticking away minute after minute.

"Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore, Mr. Danes," a voice from behind them caused them to shoot out of their seats.

Dr. Keller was standing at the doorway, looking tired but he was smiling. "She made it through the surgery just fine, we were able to repair the damage inside and to her lung. She's going to have a very long road of recovery ahead of her, but she's going to recover."

"Thank God," shuddered Richard, as he gathered his wife in his arms.

"Can we see her?" Luke asked.

"In about an hour," the doctor said. "She's in recovery right now, and we'll extubate her as soon as she wakes up."

The doctor smiled again and then disappeared down the long hallway.

She did not care that Luke was there.

She broke down sobbing.

Richard held her to him, cupping the back of her head with his hand.

She didn't know that at the same time, Luke's impression of the almighty, snobbish, mean and vindictive Emily Gilmore was rapidly changing, and the cold exterior he had always seen was melting away as her heard her racking sobs. He suddenly felt a kinship with Emily Gilmore, for even if they had nothing else in the world in common, he knew what it was to love a child. Almost without thinking, he reached up a hand and placed on her back, as support and as atonement for all that had gone on between them. Her sobbing stopped soon after that and she turned to him and smiled--like he had never seen her smile before. It wasn't a fake or snide smile, but was like a ray of sunshine had suddenly burst on her face. He smiled back, he actually found himself liking Emily Gilmore.

They sat in the waiting room for another hour, but the wait this time was less maddening as they knew that the woman that binded them together would be alright. A nurse came and got them after awhile,

"She's waking up," she said and they all quickly followed her down the hall.

Lorelai lay in the bed, the large tube still extending out of her mouth, and her face was whiter than the sheets. She was blinking her eyes slowly and in a haze she opened her eyes.

Both Richard and Luke looked towards Emily, as if they expected her to move forward, but suddenly she felt as though she was frozen to the ground. Lorelai looked around in confusion and fear. Luke stepped forward and took her hand.

"It's alright, I'm here," he whispered, "You were in a car accident," he said gently, "But you're going to be fine."

Emily felt a wave of jealousy sweep through her, and although she wanted nothing more than to go to her daughter and hold her, and comfort her, she stood there completely paralyzed.

Lorelai looked towards them, her eyes still full of fear. It killed Emily to see her so afraid, but she couldn't go to her...she just couldn't. Richard stepped forward, coming up to his daughter and placing a hand on her forehead, "It's alright sweetheart," he said. "You're going to be just fine."

Tears burned in her eyes as she watched Luke and Richard comfort her daughter. Hadn't she just prayed to God just an hour again, that she would do anything, anything at all, to hold her daughter in her arms just one more time? Lorelai turned her gaze and looked at her and their eyes locked for a moment. Did she know? Did she know how much she loved her?

Suddenly, Lorelai's eyes were filled with panic and she desperately made the action of writing with a pen. Richard hand her a pen and Luke grabbed a paper towel.

"Rory?" she wrote in scraggly handwriting.

"We haven't been able to get a hold of her," Richard said gently.

She wrote something again with a furor and underlined it emphatically. She held up the paper towel for all to see.

"DON'T TELL HER"


	6. Late Night Mommy

Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story, and no copyright infringment is intended.

Author's Note: Thank you all for the feedback, as always, it means a lot. Thank you for being honest with me too, as your feedback helps me to be a better writer. I hope you enjoy this next installment.

_Rory_. _That was what her mind shouted when she first heard the screeching of tires. Rory was what she thought of when she heard the voices above her, telling her to stay calm. _

_"Can you tell us your name" someone from the left of her asked. She thought of the night Rory was born, how she felt in her arms. "Lorelai...Lorelai Gilmore." _

_"Can you tell us what day it is Lorelai?" She thought of Rory as a two year old--such long soft lovely hair. _

_"What day is it today?" they asked again. She had to think a minute on that one and then she remembered...she was on her way to her parent's house. _

_"Friday." _

_"What's the date?" She thought of Rory's graduation from Kindergarten, which her daughter had taken so seriously, insisting that they frame photo copied diploma and put it next to her own GED diploma. _

_"Lorelai, what's the date?" She felt as though her brain was filled with cotton candy. _

_"I don't know," she replied, and she felt a heavy sleep come over her. She thought of Rory's seventh birthday party--the teddy bear picnic she had put on at the inn, her Halloween costume that year--was it a witch? No, it was Dorothy. She felt herself nodding off to sleep. _

_"Lorelai, I need you to stay awake, talk to me okay? I need you to tell me if anything hurts," The man's voice sounded so far away, like he was in the far end of a tunnel. _

_As soon as he asked the question, it seemed like fire flamed up in her body, "My...my leg," she said and then realized that her chest hurt terribly and for the first time realized that it was hard for her to breathe, _

_"Can't...breathe," she gasped and heard an urgency in the man's voice. "We're going to get you out," he said, "We're going to get you out." The man's voice sounded further and further away. _

_...Rory_

_She didn't know if she was dead or dreaming, but she was in a green pretty place and started walking. Then she heard it, heart-wrenching, terrible sobbing as if the person who was crying's heart had been ripped out. She started to run towards the sound, and then came upon a coffin, covered in roses and lillies, there were chairs set up as if a funeral had just been concluded. When she hurried to the coffin, she came around the corner and saw that it was her daughter that was sobbing out her broken heart. She went to her, tried to comfort her, but the girl couldn't see her, she just kept sobbing over and over, "Mommy...Mommy," _

"Rory!" Lorelai sat up in bed and looked around at the dark surroundings. For a moment, she was terrified, wondering if she had really died and this darkness was her existence.

"It's alright," came the familiar voice from the corner.

"Mom?" she breathed.

Her mother came from where she had been sleeping in the chair across the room, "It's alright Lorelai."

Her mother switched on the light above her bed and Lorelai sank back against her pillow in relief.

"You were having a bad dream," Emily said, and started fluffing her pillow and smoothing out her blanket.

"I dreamed about the accident, and then dreamed I had died and was watching Rory fall apart at my funeral." She wasn't sure if she imagined it, but she thought she saw something cross her mother's features when she said, "I had died,"

"It was just a dream," Emily said. "Go back to sleep, you need your rest."

Lorelai nodded slowly and then watched as her mother turned off the light and walk back over to the chair.

She tried to sleep, but the image of Rory sobbing over her casket was burned in her brain. She bit her lower lip, trying to reason with herself that it wasn't real, she hadn't died...she hadn't died...she was going to be okay...she hadn't died. The darkness settled over her like a thick mud...she felt trapped again.

"Mommy," she whispered in fear and then felt idiotic for calling her mother like that. She was a grown woman; almost forty years old...she steadied herself for the tongue lashing that was sure to come.

"Yes?" came the reply from the darkness.

She suprised to her the tenderness in her mother's voice and heard the fear in her mother's voice as well. She heard her mother's footfall and then saw her switch on the light above her bed. She was suprised at the feeling of comfort that flooded into her at seeing her mother's face. Why did her mother look frightened?

"I'm here," her mother whispered and perhaps it was the medication she was on, but she could have sworn she heard her mother's voice break, "I'm right here."

"I'm scared," Lorelai whispered.

Her mother reached up a hand and brushed her cheek, the action felt so foriegn, but felt so good. It stirred something in her, a memory long forgotten.

"There's nothing to be scared of, you're going to be just fine," her mother said softly.

Lorelai bit her lower lip, "I can't leave Rory," she said, her voice shaking.

"Lorelai, you're not going anywhere," and this time she was sure she heard her mother's voice break as she whispered, "I won't allow it."

Emily reached down and clasped her hand on her daughter's wrist and the two of them were silent for a few minutes and then her mother spoke and her voice sounded bright, "Do you remember what I used to do when you were a little girl?"

It took Lorelai a minute and then the memory flooded into her, "The monster call," she said smiling.

Her mother smiled and released her wrist, "Calling all monsters, calling all monsters, come out come out wherever you are!" she whispered and then turned on all the lights. She looked under the bed, and adopting a tone as though she was speaking to a child, she looked up and shook her head, "No monsters in there." She looked underneath the blanket that was on the chair where she was sleeping, "No monsters here." She opened up the closet in the room, "No monsters in here." She opened up the bathroom that was off to the side of the room. "No monsters in here." Then she went back to the side of her daughter's bed. "No monsters are out tonight because..." she paused, waiting for her daughter to fill in the blank.

"Daddy killed them all last night," Lorelai said smiling. Emily reached up and brushed a finger down her daughter's nose. "Go to sleep Lorelai, everything will be alright."

Lorelai nodded, strangely feeling safe, as if suddenly she was a little girl again. Her mother's voice was calming, soothing somehow and it baffled her. Had she really forgotten what it was like to feel this way? She felt like a door had been opened and memories that were dusty suddenly began creaking out. She remembered the scent of her mother's hair, the feel of it brushing her cheek as her mother kissed her goodnight, she remembered climbing into bed with her parents, finding comfort in the silky sheets, the way her mother would reach up and caress her cheek as she snuggled next to her. What had happened she asked herself as she looked up into the face of her mother now. What had happened to tear them so far apart?

"Goodnight Lorelai," her mother said as she went back to her chair, "Get some rest."

"Goodnight Mom," she replied, and turned to her side. "What did you tell Rory when she called?" she asked after her mom had turned off the light again.

"I told her that I needed her to come home of the 15th of August if she could to help with the DAR luncheoun. It's a very important one and I could really use her help."

"Mother," Lorelai whined, "You couldn't come up with anything better than that?"

"Sorry, I'm not as good at hiding the truth as you are," came the reply

Lorelai snorted, "So did she believe you?"

"I think so, she thinks I'm a raving lunatic for calling twelve times to ask about a DAR luncheoun, but I think so."

"Thanks Mom,"

"Lorelai...she's going to find out, one of the town members...she might read it in the paper."

"They're having a town meeting to discuss how noone is to mention it to Rory."

"They're what?...never mind."

There were a few minutes of silence and then Lorelai spoke up again, "This is her chance Mom, if I tell her now, she's going to come home and never want to leave again. I don't want her to freak out."

"You underestimate her," came the reply a few moments later. There was another long pause after that and then Emily spoke quietly, "You can't protect your children forever."

Lorelai suddenly felt strange, were they talking about Rory still? Was her mother admitting something? When she said nothing else, Lorelai quickly took over, "I'll tell her Mom, when the time is right."

"Goodnight Lorelai," her mother said.

"Goodnight Mom," she replied, the words were right there...on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't say them. "Thanks...thanks for staying with me."

"My pleasure," her mother replied.

Lorelai closed her eyes and soon she was asleep. She wasn't sure, but she thought she woke up during the night to someone crying...but it was probably a dream again.

"You are going home with us, and I don't want to hear another word about it," Emily said the next morning as the two waited for the Richard and Luke, the nurse with the breakfast tray, and the doctor to come and issue discharge orders. Lorelai had been in the hospital a week now and was itching for freedom. Going to her parent's house for recuperation seemed like another sentance to prison.

"I don't think so," she replied.

"Lorelai, you are going to have to stay down for at least a month, what do you propose to do?"

"I'll be fine, I'll have Sookie and Luke,"

"Sookie and Luke have jobs,"

"They'll come over at night."

"What about during the day?"

"I'll be fine."

"Lorelai, you have to eat, you have to go to the bathroom...oh wait, I forgot, you gave it up cold turkey."

Lorelai rolled her eyes, "Mom, I will work it out."

"I could order that one channel you like so much...what was it...RTV?" her mother said, trying to entice her.

Lorelai cackled, "Mom...MTV, M... after 22 years you still can't get MTV right?"

"You are changing the subject."

"Mom, I want to recuperate in my own house, with my own stuff."

Her mother stiffened, "Then I'm coming over during the day."

_Danger Will Robinson, Danger_

"Mom, you have a busy life, I can't ask you to do that."

"Lorelai, you are going to require help, I know that's a four letter swear word to you, but that's the fact."

"I'll get help," her daughter replied and then thought she saw the smallest flicker of hurt cross her mother's features. But...it was better this way, if they were together all day, every day for a month, and she with nowhere to run, they would kill eachother.

"Fine," her mother said sharply, and then looked at her watch, "What on earth is keeping that breakfast cart?" she demanded and then headed out the door.

She had been gone just a few minutes when Luke came around the corner, bearing a bouquet of yellow daisies.

"Hey" he grinned.

"Hey yourself," she grinned back.

He leaned down to kiss her and they both found themselves lingering, hanging on to the kiss.

"You look great," he said, "Are you ready to go home?"

"Yes, my mother has this crazy notion that I'm going to go to her house, and I was able to shoot that one down, but now she wants to come over and help me during the day." she cried as if Luke would agree that it was the most ludicrous thing in the world but he was completely passive.

"Why not?" he replied. "You're going to need someone."

"No way," she replied. "Not her."

"Why?" he asked.

"Are you insane?" she countered. "I mean, yeah she's been great these past few days, staying with me, and she was great last night when I was up for awhile, but all day...every day, we'd just end up killing eachother. I'd have no way to run if I needed to." Suddenly when she said those words, a pang of guilt swept over her, "_No way to run if I needed to." _She thought back to that night in her father's study, when he had exploded at her, "_And then you run away, and you treat us as lepers." And then you run away...run away...your mother couldn't get out of bed for a month, did you know that? Did you? _

_No...no I didn't. _

"Breakfast time," her mother said brushing around the corner with a tray and setting it down on her lap.

How long had she been out there? Had she heard them talking?

"Well, I'm sure you two have everything under control here," her mother said, sweeping past Luke and picking up her purse, "I certainly don't want to be in your way," she brushed out the door, "Well goodbye, Lorelai, goodbye Luke," she said and then was gone.

Lorelai swore under her breath and smacked the tray, sending the cover flying off the sausage.


	7. Dollhouse Days

Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story and no copyright infringment is intended.

Author's Note: Sorry again to be so late in updating. I had some deadlines I had to meet. Thank you for all the feedback for the last chapter. I really appreciate it. I hope you enjoy the next installment.

"Okay, we have your fig newtons, twizzlers, twinkies, cookie dough, peanut butter, oreos, and rootbeer, and you are going to way 900 pounds by the time I get back from work," Luke shook his head in disgust as he piled the junk around Lorelai who was lying on the living room couch with her leg propped up on four pillows.

"Thank you," Lorelai said smiling up at him.

His heart fluttered at that smile, as it always had since the day he had met her. How had he gone so long without seeing that smile? "Are you sure you're going to be okay?" he asked, and leaned down to kiss her. She reached up and brushed a hand over his cheek.

"I don't know, I think I might need another one of those," she smiled playfully.

He leaned into her again, and this time the kiss was deeper. "Are you sure you are going to be okay?" he asked again.

"I'll be fine," she said. "I have junk, I have TV, I have phone, I'm good."

"Unbelieveable," Luke muttered.

Lorelai reached up and took his hand, "Honey, I'll be fine, you're a phone call away, Sookie is a phone call away, Babette is next door, I'll be just fine."

"And if you need her..." Luke said, twirling the phone in his hand.

Lorelai shook her head, "She's mad at me."

"If you called her and told her you needed her, she'd be over here in a second."

She looked up at him and shook her head again, "No...she wouldn't, and even if she did she'd be pouting the whole time, giving me the guilt trip for what I said. No thank you."

"Alright," he said, handing Lorelai her cellphone. "Call me if you need me."

"Yes sir," she said smiling and blew him a kiss as he walked out the door.

There was only one other time the house had been this quiet. It was when she had come home from taking Rory to the airport. She had kept the television on for three days so she wouldn't have to deal with the quiet. As soon as Luke left it was like the sound in the room was sucked out. She turned the television on and _The Price is Right_ was on. She grabbed a notepad so she could play along like she did when she was a teenager. During the days of morning sickness, she could beat them every time at the yodeling mountain climber game and won the showcase nearly every time. Bob Barker was getting kissed by the first contestant when it started. It was an itch, a terrible itch that started in her toe and then slowly inched its way up her leg. It felt like a million spiders were inching up her leg. She sat up and tried to scratch and her chest heaved in pain. It felt like the side of her chest was one big bruise. She cried out in pain and then sat back, her leg still itching terribly. She looked around for something to be able to reach her leg and not bend while doing it and saw a hanger on the floor by the stairs. She slowly made her way off the couch, trying to keep her leg up in the air and stay on her back. She sucked in a deep breath as she made to the floor and then slinked across the floor, trying to get to the hanger. She made it about to inches before a screaming pain shot through her back and she cried out in pain again. She made her way back to the couch and then lifted herself back on the couch. She lay back on her pillow, breathing heavily, and then the phone rang. She reached over and looked at the caller ID--Rory.

"Hey Sweets!" she said, praying to all the gods she could think of that the pain she felt couldn't be heard in her voice.

"Hey Mom! I have a few minutes between meetings, just wanted to say hi."

"Hi kid, I miss you! Have you taken over the world yet?"

"Not quite, hey are you okay? I called you at the inn and Sookie said you weren't there. She sounded weird."

"I'm fine, a little touch of the flu."

"A little touch of the flu? You've been spending too much time around Grandma."

"Oh don't be ridiculous," she said in an aristocratic accent.

"What's with Grandma anyway, she called me like a billion times the other night and then when I called her back it was to ask me if I'd come home for the DAR thing in August."

"You know your grandmother, DAR is life or death to her."

There was a long pause after that and Lorelai's face started to get red, like it always did when she lied to her kid.

"Is your face turning red?" Rory asked.

"No," Lorelai countered.

"It is, I can hear it."

"You can hear red?"

"Mom, are you sure everything is okay?"

"Honey, I'm fine. I promise. Grandma is fine too."

"Did you two have a fight?"

_Well, that wasn't really a lie._

"Yeah, Hon we did. I'm sorry I should have told you. Grandma was probably calling you that night to give you her part of the story." She heard voices in the backround and someone shout, "We gotta go!"

"Mom, I've got to go. Talk to her okay?"

"Yeah sweets I will okay? Go be amazing."

"Will do," she said making kissing noises in the phone. "I love you."

Lorelai felt herself start to cry but swallowed it in a hurry. "I love you too Babe," she said and hung up the phone. She looked around the big room and even with the sound of the _Price is Right_ wheel whirring around, it still seemed so quiet.

She tried to sleep during _Regis and Kelly_ but the itch had now made it's way up the other leg and it was pure torture. She lay back on her pillow, trying to think of anything else but the itch. Bunnies--bunnies were happy! She thought of big white fluffy cottontail bunnies hopping along in a field of daisies. They had pink eyes, just like Murray...Mom, birthday...angry..."_Have a nice birthday, have a nice life, I'm going to bed._" Okay...she thought to herself, think of something else. Kittens...kittens were nice and soft, Rory had a kitten when she was five years old, she named it Squeakers. Squeakers was gray with green eyes, she could think of Squeakers. Mia...Mia had given Squeakers to Rory for her birthday. "_Mia, was like a mother to you," _her friend had said at the wedding and her mother had flinched in pain. Try again, think of something happy. Blue skies--blue skies with beautiful white clouds--no, that was one of the songs her mother had sang to her when she was a child. Roses--beautiful pink full roses--they reminded her of DAR teas. She cursed in frustration and then picked up the phone. She was about to dial when she pushed the off button. She had been home for two days now, and her mother hadn't called once. She wished her mother didn't take everything so personally. Why should she be the one to call? After all, didn't she have the right to decide how she was going to spend her recovery time? She put the phone down and then lay back against her pillow. It was her mom's fault for pushing, for butting in and she had no intention of apologizing. If her mother wanted to call, she would call. She was probably to busy doing whatever it was she did anyway.

"Emily, you've been watering that geranium for at least three minutes, you're going to drown it," Richard remarked as he poked his head around from his newspaper.

"And how would you know that?" Emily said, pulling up the watering can and ending the downpour on the drenched geranium. She knew she had been staring off into space and was embaressed that she had been caught.

"Have you talked to Lore...?"

"I've been thinking Richard, we should redo this patio. We haven't had it redone for two years. This deck needs staining again."

"I'm sure she'd..."Richard started again.

"And this patio furniture. It's terrible Richard. We need all new patio furniture," She turned her back to him, "And trees--what if we ripped out the birch trees and put in a few oak trees. Oak trees are beautiful. We could plant some ferns and..." she felt Richard's arm slip around her. She stopped talking and bit her lower lip. He tenderly kissed her forehead and she leaned into him.

"Emmy," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her, "It's alright to worry about her."

She put her hands over Richard's for a moment and then broke out of his embrace. "Wicker," she said. "Three white wicker couches right over there," she said, briskly walking away.

_Singing in the Rain _came on at noon, and the itch had finally started to go away. Lorelai snuggled into the couch and watched the movie. She started to get tired and found herself nodding off. Her eyes wandered over to the side of the television where her newly restored dollhouse stood. Somewhere between sleep and awake, she heard her mother's voice calling her.

_"Lorelai, Lorelai come down here," her mom was calling her from downstairs. _

_"What?" she shouted back. _

_"Just come here!" _

_She started down the stairs and then paused as she saw her father standing next to her mother, grinning. _

_"Daddy!" she shouted. He had been gone to Spain for a month. He held out his arms and she jumped into them. "I missed you! I missed you so much!" _

_He tenderly kissed her cheek, " I missed you too Sweetheart," _

_"Lorelai, I ordered something for you in New York City and Daddy brought it home for me," her mother said excitedly, but the little girl only had eyes for her father. "Daddy, I played my piano piece for Mrs. Morgan today and she gave me two gold stars and Mrs Bridger put my poem on the bulletin board! Mary Jane said she wanted to be my best friend. Her and me are going to get matching rings at the store." _

_"She and I," her mother said sharply. "For Heaven's sake Lorelai." _

_The grammar correction went unheeded and she kept babbling on news to her father as she hadn't heard her mother at all. _

_"That's wonderful Sweetheart, but I think your mother has something to show you." _

_She turned towards her mother and for the first time she saw a tall glass case behind her. She jumped down from Dad's lap and went to investigate further. Her mother stepped away and there in the glass case was a doll house, a large beautiful house with three stories and a chimney. She walked around to the other side and there were large rooms filled with beautiful furniture. There was a living room with a Victorian sofa, minituare pictures on the walls, and a grand piano. There was a kitchen with a little stove, and a dining room with a hutch filled with tiny china dishes. The upstairs had bedrooms with curtains in the windows and wallpaper on the walls, including a nursery with a bassinet. _

_"Is that mine?" she asked. _

_"All for you Angel," her mother said. _

_"But, it's not my birthday and it's not Christmas," Lorelai said. _

_'"This is just a special present for my girl," _

_She had careened into her mother, almost knocking her over, "Thank you Mommy. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I can't wait to play with it." _

_"Oh, Angel this house isn't for playing with, the glass has to stay on, This is a collector's item!" she said excitedly as if she expected Lorelai to be ecstatic about that fact."_

_"But..." the six year old girl said as she looked at the doll house and then sighed. "Okay Mommy." _

_The special day came a month later, after the dollhouse had been placed in her bedroom on display. Her daddy had left on another business trip and she missed him terribly. She lay in her bed that night, staring up at the ceiling and hating two things with all of her little heart. She hated Mr. Stiles, the man that took her daddy away and she hated the simf-phony board, whatever it was, that had taken her mommy away every night that week and left her with Miranda. Miranda had warts, and slurped when she drank her coffee, and called her "Dahling," She dreamed that night that she was lost and couldn't find her way home. She had woke up crying and went down the hall to her mother's room. _

_"What's the matter Baby?" her mother asked, looking up from her book she was reading in bed. _

_"I had a bad dream," she said and her mother held out her arms for her. She ran and climbed into bed with her, and laid against her. Her mother caressed her hair and held her. She had woken up the next morning in her mother's arms, her mother smiling down on her. She snuggled up to her and her mother held her tighter. _

_"Guess what," her mother whispered, reaching up and caressing her hair. _

_"What?" she asked. _

_"I think we should do something today just you and me. Would you like that?" she said and the little girl's eyes lit up. _

_"What can we do?" she asked with delight. _

_"What do you want to do?" her mother asked, brushing her finger down the girl's nose. _

_"Can we play with my doll house?" _

_"And who is this? What's her name?" her mother asked, taking the smaller girl doll out of the bedroom. _

_"That's Missy," Lorelai said, "She's ten years old and her favorite color is pink." _

_"Oh alright, It's nice to meet you Missy," she said she placed her on a chair at the table and took a china plate from the hutch. "I think Missy wants some breakfast. Where is the maid?" _

_"Here she is," Lorelai said, walking the little doll in the maid's outfit into the kitchen. "But she needs warts." _

_"Lorelai," her mother said disapprovingly but smothering a smile. _

_"The baby's crying," Lorelai said making crying sounds. _

_"Oh," her mother said picking up the mother doll and walking it up the stairs, "Just a minute, Mommy's here," she said picking the little baby out of the cradle and placing it in the mother doll's arms. "Never saw the sun shining so bright, never saw things, going so right. Oh Blue days, all of them gone long gone, nothing but blue skies from now on." _

_"She's all better now, she's sleeping," Lorelai said. _

_"Okay," Emily said as she lay the baby back in the cradle. _

_"No! I don't want to!" Lorelai said in a high pitched voice as she picked up another girl doll and began jumping the doll up and down. _

_"Alright, you don't want to what?" the mother doll said. _

_"I don't want to wear the lace dress to the tea party next week. I don't want to!" _

_"I see, well I happen to think that dress is very pretty for a young lady." _

_"I don't want to be a young lady!" _

_"But that's exactly what you are, Mommy's little lady," the mother doll said and the real mommy then turned to her girl and smoothed her hair away from her forehead. "Mommy's little lady," she whispered and Lorelai snuggled up to her. "I love you Mommy," Lorelai whispered. _

_"I love you too Angel." They sat like that for a moment and then Lorelai broke the silence. _

_"I still don't want to wear the lace dress next week." she said. _

_"Too bad," her mother countered without skipping a beat. _

Lorelai didn't know if she had been awake or dreaming but she realized she was smiling at the pleasant memory. There were many dollhouse days after that, when her father was out of town, or when she was home sick from school. One Christmas her mother had come home with a large sack from the doll store down town and they had spent hours decorating the little house for Christmas with tiny strings of lights, tiny stockings at the fireplace, a Christmas tree with little christmas balls, and even a wreath made of real pine branches. Sometimes a new piece of furniture, a new bedspread for a doll's bed, or a new set of litle dishes found their way under her pillow or in the bathtub in the morning. That dollhouse became their connection, the one piece of her mother that had belonged only to her. Over time, as she grew up and the chasm between them deepened, "Dollhouse days," became forgotten memories lost in the bitterness and anger that had been a part of them for so long. The night she had left, she had dressed the baby and although she didn't have much time before her parents came home from the cocktail party to change clothes and go to the symphony fundraiser, she had sat on the floor and looked at her dollhouse, drawing her knees up to her chest. She remembered that moment so clearly, because for just a moment, she wished more than anything that she could be a little girl again. It only lasted a moment though because she knew she was not a little girl and was never going to be again. She reached over and picked up her baby and then taking one last look around the room, walked out the door. She was halfway down the hall when she turned back. She walked into the room and took the baby doll out of it's little crib. She put in her pocket and then continued towards her future.

Lorelai sighed and twisted her fingers. It was too late, it just was. It was too late for anything but civility. There would always be Friday night dinners, there would always be holidays, but it would never be like it was before. Her mother would never really be able to let go of the past, of the fact that things didn't turn out the way that they should have. Her mother would never be able to forgive her. She lay back against her pillow and out of habit stretched out her legs. An electrifying pain shot through her body and she cried out in agony. To her great suprise, she suddenly heard pounding on the door, and heard Kirk's voice.

"Lorelai! Lorelai are you alright in there? I've been standing guard outside your door and heard shouting." he said turning the locked doorknob back and forth.

"Yes Kirk, I'm fine," she said, biting her cheek against the tears stinging in her eyes. But her unsolicited guard couldn't hear her.

"Lorelai, I'm going to break down the door in three seconds and then I will come in administer mouth to mouth recesitation...that is if you are past out."

"Kirk! You knock down that door, I'll kill you!" she cried out, doubling over in pain. The ripping pain shot through her back and she cried out in pain again.

"I'm coming in!" Kirk shouted and suddenly there was a terrible noise as the door and Kirk came crashing down together.

"Kirk?...Are you alive? Are you breathing?" Lorelai asked laying back on her pillow and swallowing a pain killer.

Kirk groaned, "I think I've broken at least three fingers," he said.

"Do you need me to call 911?" Lorelai asked.

Kirk stood up slowly and put his hand against his back. "No," he moaned as he made his way out of the newly created hole in the wall, "One of the EMT's is Lulu's old boyfriend. Whenever I'm around him I get viciously hostile. "

"Kirk?" Lorelai called. "Kirk don't leave you need help...Kirk?"

"Your door is lying on the ground," came the voice of a woman she could never remember visiting her house. "This lets in flys and dirt and unwanted boys," Mrs. Kim stated with distain.

"Mrs. Kim?" Lorelai said in disbelief. She had known this woman for almost twenty years and she picked now to come visiting?

"Yes, of course it's Mrs. Kim," she stated in a no-nonsense voice. "I would have knocked but you have no door."

"Yes, um...please come in."

Mrs Kim walked in carrying a pot of something steaming and that smelled like stale dirty socks. "Lorelai," she said. "My daughter thinks highly of you and though I have never quite understood that, I am grateful that you have been friend to Lane and so I bring this traditional Korean soup made with pork rinds, soy cheese, ginseng, and lots of barley. This is especially good for the digestive system," she said with pride.

"Wow," Lorelai said, putting on her best poker face. "That's very thoughtful of you."

"Here, you try some, best when it's hot," Mrs. Kim said smiling and as Lorelai could count on one hand the number of times she remembered Mrs. Kim smiling at her, she knew she had to take a bite. She drew the spoon to her mouth and swallowed slowly and painfully, but with a smile.

"That's...amazing," she said.

"Good," Mrs. Kim said with pride, "Eat, eat more, you need your strength.

The woman stayed for the entire bowl. She couldn't believe it. She just sat there, watching her with pride as she ate each awful bite. It felt like the time when she was five and her mother had found out she was wrapping brocolli in her napkin and tossing it in the garden after dinner. For months her mother sat there at the table and watched her as she chewed every bite of the grass tasting veggie.

"Well, Mrs. Kim...this was so nice of you, thank you so much. I'm just getting a little tired so I guess I'm going to get some sleep now." Lorelai said after the last bite was gone.

"Alright then, you sleep and I will bring you more soup at dinner. Good for the digestive system, you know, I made a triple batch! Should last you at least two weeks!" she said in triumph and moved to leave.

"Get door fixed, this lets in unwanted boys."

"Well, considering it was an unwanted boy who knocked it down the first place..." she said as Mrs. Kim walked out but she didn't hear her.

Mrs. Kim had been gone five minutes when it started. It was like anything she had ever experienced. Suddenly, it was like her blatter was going to explode. It was physically painful. She tried to get up, but immediately yelped in pain. She grabbed the phone, starting to rock back and forth.

"Hello?" Babette answered.

"Babette, good, I was wondering if you could do me a favor," she said, biting her cheek and rocking back and forth.

"Sure Sweetie, anything for you, my goodness you scared us all to death."

"Well, I really need to go to the bathroom and I can't get there by myself..."

"Oh Sweetie-doll! I'll be right there," she said and then hung up the phone.

"Maury!" Lorelai heard her screech as she ran across the lawn, "I'll be right back Lorelai needs to go potty!"

Lorelai buried her face in the blankets as Babette came running in, "Okay, doll I'm here, oopsie daisy," she said as she helped Lorelai to her feet. The pain was unbelievable. She felt tears stinging in her eyes but she was not going to cry in front of Babette.

"Just cross your knees Sugar if you feel it coming on, that's what I had to do the time when I was in Nice and I had to be like a banshee--you know I never understood that phrase, "pee like a banshee," have you ever seen a banshee actually pee? I mean, where did that saying come from anyway?"

"You're the first one I've ever heard it from Babette," Lorelai said, feeling like her bladder weighed 50 pounds.

"Here, you go doll," she said helping her into the bathroom. "I'll be right outside." She breathed a sigh of relief, and from outside the door, Babette shouted, "Wow! You really had to go didn't you Sweetie. It's like Niagra Falls in there!"

Babette helped Lorelai back to the couch and then patted her on the head, "I'm glad you're okay Sweetie."

"Thanks Babette," Lorelai said smiling.

"I guess I better go, Call me if you need anything more," she said as she walked outside. "What did you do to your door?" she asked. "Maybe I outta have Maury come fix it for ya."

"Thanks Babette," Lorelai said, "Maybe later, I'm just a little tired right now."

"Okay doll," she said blowing her a kiss. "Maury!" she shouted, "I'm coming home. My goodness it was like Niagra Falls over here!"

That was the last straw. She picked up the phone, dialed the number and waited. With each ring she got more and more impatient. Finally, her father picked up the phone and she yelled something into the phone that she had not said in over thirty years.

"Is that Lorelai?" Emily said on the first ring, "Answer it Richard and if it's Lorelai, tell her I'm not here."

"Why?" Richard asked, "Maybe she's calling to apologize."

Emily rolled her eyes, "No, Richard I meant Lorelai Gilmore, our daughter, if it's our daughter than tell her I'm not here."

"Alright dear," he said he started to pick up the phone.

"No wait," she said, "Is it Lorelai?"

He looked at the caller ID. "Yes Dear, it's Lorelai."

"You talk to her,"she said quickly.

_Ring..._

"Yes Dear," he responded.

_Ring..._

"But ask her how she is."

"Yes Dear."

_Ring..._

"No let me talk to her,"

"Yes Dear."

_Ring..._

"No you do it. You talk to her."

"Hello?" Richard said rolling his eyes at his wife.

"I want my mother!" came the shout on the other end.

Emily was out the door.


	8. Macaroni, Bopit, and Lucy

Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story and no copyright infringement.

Author's Note: Just when I thought life couldn't get any crazier, suddenly it did. Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I vowed I was going to sit down and write today. So, here I am with lap top on my lap, a cute little dog by my feet and Gilmore Girls on the TV. I hope you enjoy this next installment!

"Well, my goodness this is charming," Emily said as she came to the front door that was now a gaping hole.

"Mom?"

"Are you alright?" Emily asked as she made her way past the door. "What on earth happened?"

"Kirk," Lorelai said slowly, enunciating the name with anger.

"Enough said," Emily said, shaking her head. "How are you feeling?"

"My leg hurts and I had to pee a lake awhile ago."

"Lorelai," Emily whined, "Can you be decent for just five minutes?"

"Sorry, my decency left me somewhere between my Mrs. Kim's sawdust soup and Babette's announcement to the entire world that Niagra Falls came out of my bladder." Lorelai said, putting her head against her pillow.

"Why you chose this town of lunatics over your own home is..."

"Mom," Lorelai said loudly, "Did you come over here to help or did you come here to lay guilt trips on me?"

"Fine, fine," Emily said putting down her handbag. "Have you eaten?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"Whether or not you're going to fix mashed bananas on toast," Lorelai said sticking out her tongue.

"Heaven's no, that's revoulting," Emily retorted.

"Then I am starving."

"Do you have any soup?"

"No, not exactly," Lorelai smiled sheepishly

"Well what do you have?"

"Um...one box of macaroni and cheese and I'm not sure of the expiration date," Lorelai replied.

"You're kidding,"

"No," and then she smiled, "You've never made macaroni and cheese have you?"

"I have...too," Emily said, "It's barbaric, but I've made it,"

"Okay Mom, macaroni and cheese sounds great thank you," she said and smiled at the glimmer of delight that came into her mother's features. "Call if you need help," Lorelai said as her mother disappeared into the kitchen.

Emily found the lone box of macaroni and cheese and a pan in the bottom of the cupboard. She took out a handkercheif and wiped it out. She read the directions on the package, poured the macaroni into the pot of water. She shook her head as she watched the macaroni bubble. She was used to full course meals, duck, liver, chicken cordon bleu, and here she was in her daughter's kitchen fixing macaroni and cheese. Suddenly she felt sad, she and her daughter were two completely different breeds of people. That would never change. She found a little milk in the refrigerator and some butter and added those in. She opened up the cheese powder and wrinkled her nose.

"So let me get this straight," she called to her daughter in the living room, "I'm supposed to pour the orange chalkdust into the noodles, is that right?"

"Yes mother," came the reply with a giggle.

"This is revolting," she called back.

"Hurry, I'm starved," Lorelai called.

"Okay, orange goo on it's way," she said as she carried the bowl into the kitchen with a spoon and a napkin. She sat down and tucked the napkin into her daughter's shirt.

"Open up," she said and got a spoonful of the noodles.

"Mom, I can feed myself," she whined.

"Shh, just lie back," she said and put the spoonful in her mouth.

Lorelai swallowed and shook her head, "You just want me in a place where I'm helpless so you can grill me."

"Just eat this disgusting goo and be quiet," she said and they just sat silently as the mother fed her daughter. Emily felt a heavy lump down in her throat, remembering back to feeding her baby, feeling again that feeling of importance knowing that somebody depended on her, needed her. Lorelai was about to protest but then saw the look in her mother's eyes and so she relaxed. It actually felt good to be taken care of, just to sit there quietly and feel like a little girl. Emily smiled gently at her daughter and then suddenly, like the memory of a nightmare, the old fear ceased her again and the thought of losing her child again made her feel like she was suffocating. She put the bowl down and turned towards her daughter.

"Why didn't you tell me about Luke?" she asked

"What?" Lorelai said in suprise, "Where did that come from?"

"Why didn't you tell me? So, did you dump your husband for him?"

"Excuse me?" Lorelai retorted, "I just hadn't had the chance, I was going to tell you about it at Friday night dinner and I didn't dump Christopher for Luke, I was devastated that my..."

"I mean really Lorelai," Emily interrupted, "You've been keeping these two men on a string for years and you really need to make your choice. How long will you be with Luke before you go back to Christopher?"

Her daughter stared at her, horrified, "I can't believe you just said that. You have no idea what I've been through over the past year."

"You're right, because you never tell me anything!"

"Why would I tell you anything? You're mean and you throw everything back in my face!"

"Fine, fine that's just fine," she said grabbing her purse, "I'll just go home."

"Fine, I can take care of myself. I always have!" Lorelai yelled as Emily made her way out the door. "What is wrong with her?" Lorelai thought. She picked up the bowl and threw it against the wall.

A few minutes past and then she heard the sound of high heels clicking on the sidewalk. "Oh for heaven's sake I'm sorry," came the voice from outside.

"I suppose you'd call that an apology?" Lorelai snorted.

"Well it's the only one you'll get," Emily replied sarcastically. She took a few steps into the house and peered around the corner. "So do you want me to say or not?"

Lorelai paused and then nodded, "Yes, but you have to make that little spat up to me," she said smiling.

"Why do I get the feeling that I'm going to hate this?" Emily asked as she walked over to the couch.

"Bop it...twist it...twist it...pull it..." the crazy machine called out at her as Emily tried to follow it's commands.

"Come on Mom! Come on!" Lorelai laughed hysterically.

"Will you be quiet!" Emily snapped, "You're making me lose my concentration and for the last time put that cellphone away."

"Sorry Mom, Rory's got to see this," Lorelai laughed.

Emily shot her a look and as she missed a "bop it" the machine wailed at her. "If one of those pictures leaves this house Missy, I tell your father what happened to his armani suit."

"Mom, I was ten years old!"

"Dear, your father takes Armani very seriously, " Emily said and then smiled. They broke into giggles.

"Mom, that hurts," Lorelai winced.

"Sorry," she giggled. "So, what other humiliation are you going to subject me to now?"

"Want to watch television?"

"What...that disgusting show where they eat worms and things?" Emily retorted.

"I was actually thinking 'I love Lucy,'" Lorelai replied with a smile.

Emily was startled, "I..I love that show."

"Me too, I have the whole series on dvd, just open that cupboard," Lorelai said pointing to the cabinet.

Emily turned so Lorelai wouldn't see how widely she was smiling. Maybe, just maybe...they weren't so different after all.

"Mom?" Lorelai said and Emily turned to her, "Yes?" she responded.

"I really was going to tell you at dinner," she said.

Emily nodded and then sat down next to her.

"I'm glad you're here," Lorelai said softly. The smile she gave was so sweet, so genuine, that Emily's voice caught in her throat and she remembered how close she had come to losing her child. She reached and tenderly tugged a piece of her hair. "Ditto," she replied.

They watched four episodes of "I Love Lucy," and then Emily had to leave. They made plans for her to come the next day and as Emily drove home, she was in the clouds. Richard was asleep by the time she got back and as she got into bed and thought about the day tomorrow she smiled with delight. Maybe she didn't have to be afraid anymore. Maybe this time would be different and her daughter would stay with her. Suddenly she felt Richard's arm around her and she leaned into his embrace. She looked at him and saw him smiling at her. Lifting her chin a little, he kissed her and she felt loved completely and fully. He seperated the kiss and brushed his hand down her cheek,

"Are you happy Mommy?" he whispered.

She cupped her hand over his, "Oh so happy."


	9. The Rory Question

Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's note: Okay gals and guys, I am so sorry that the updates keep coming so few and far between. Another thing I must apologize for, to my readers and especially to Lorelai. It was pointed out to me that Lorelai did tell Emily about Luke before the car accident when she came over to her house. I wish I could say that Emily was on Nyquil or something and that's why she forgot, but unfortunately I have no excuse except for hurried sloppy writing. It won't happen again...I hope.

When her daughter left her she would dream of Lorelai as a little baby. She would dream of rocking her, of holding her close and kissing her soft hair. The dreams were so real she could literally smell the scent of Johnson and Johnson's baby lotion and hear her baby's laughter. When she would wake up and realize again that she was a mother without a child she would quietly get out of bed and go into her closet where Richard couldn't hear her. She would sit down, draw her knees into her chest and sob out her broken heart. Emily closed her eyes against the unwelcome memory as she pulled a pant suit out for the day. She was in a hurry, she had to stop by the grocery store and get groceries for Lorelai before getting to Lorelai's at 10:00. She didn't have enough time to feel sorry for herself, didn't have time to dwell on the past...but she found herself slipping quietly into Lorelai's room. She came and sat down on the bed, smoothing her hand over the bed spread. It was so dusty in here, and it looked as though it hadn't been vacuumed in a month. She was going to speak to what was her name...that's right, Rosanna.

She looked around the room, shaking her head at the boy band posters. Why hadn't she taken them down when Lorelai left? As soon as she thought the question she knew the answer. As silly as it was, there was a small part of her that thought that as long as those posters were up there was a chance that her daughter would come walking in her room throwing her book bag on the floor and tell her that she was going to give the valedictorian speech at her graduation. She would tell her that it was all a dream, she wasn't pregnant, she wasn't going to leave. Emily was surprised to feel tears stinging in her eyes. This was ridiculous, she thought to herself. For Heaven's sake, Rory was almost twenty-three years old. She looked up at the poster of the five men with pierced tongues and tattoos. Oh they had fought a battle about that one. The idea that something so revolting was up in her house disgusted her. Yet...so many years later it was still there. She would never tell Lorelai this, but after her daughter left her she would have welcomed a hundred posters like that. She would have welcomed the insolence, the arguments, the rolling of the eyes. Having a daughter that fought with you...even hated you was a hundred times better than having no daughter at all.

The telephone was ringing, thank goodness. She cursed herself for feeling sorry for herself and went to her room to get the phone. She cursed for a different reason when she saw the caller ID...Rory.

_Lorelai, how much longer are you going to make me do this?_

"Hello?" she answered and noticed right away the troubled tone in Rory's voice.

"Hi Grandma," her granddaughter replied.

"Hi sweetie, how are you? How's conquering the world?" she tried to sound chipper.

"Grandma, I need to talk you about Mom. I'm worried about her, she's been home sick for a week, and she's never been sick for a week, even when she broke her leg she went to work in a wheel chair and then hobbled around on crutches. Is she okay?"

"Sweetie, she's just fine, she just has a terrible bug that's all," as soon as she said the words her face began to turn red. She hated that...it always turned red when she lied.

There was a long pause, "Grandma...is your face turning red?"

"Rory, what kind of ridiculous question is that?" she asked, running her free hand through her hair. She suddenly remembered her daughter had picked up the same characteristic. She should know, Lorelai spent most of her teenage years looking like a beet.

"Sweetie, I have to go," she said quickly, "Don't you worry about a thing, just concentrate on your work."

"Do you promise there's nothing wrong?" Rory asked, sounding like a little child needing reassurance.

_Lorelai, for Heaven's sake..._

She couldn't lie to her, she just couldn't, but if Lorelai found out it was Emily that spilled the beans, then the closer relationship she had felt with her daughter since the accident might be over. She knew it couldn't last forever, but she wanted to hold on to it as long as she could. After all...it wasn't really a lie, the danger was over, Lorelai was going to be fine.

"I promise," she said quickly. "Everything is just fine. And don't worry about the DAR event. I understand that you can't make it."

"Alright Grandma," Rory said, seeming a little more at ease. "I have to go. I love you." Hearing those unexpected three words made Emily's heart swell. "I love you too Sweetie," and then hung up the phone. She and her daughter were going to have a serious talk about this today. It simply wasn't right to keep this from Rory.

An hour later she was unpacking the groceries she had bought into her daughter's refrigerator.

"You got the cauliflower didn't you?" Lorelai's voice resounded from the living room.

"What are you talking about?" Emily called back, pulling the big white vegtable from the sack. "I didn't get the cauliflower."

"Yes you did," Lorelai shot back, "You got the cauliflower and the broccoli and the beets, didn't you?"

"Just watch Oprah and be quiet,"

"Mom, I'm not going to eat that stuff!"

"Lorelai, I didn't buy it!" she sad, wondering if Sookie knew of some recipe that would successfully hide the three detested vegtables.

"Mom, I smell cauliflower,"

"Lorelai, I wonder...could you have been dropped on the head as a child? I know it wasn't me, maybe your father or a maid?"

"Very funny Mother, but I am not touching those vegtables unless they are drowning in a cheese sauce."

Her mother shook her head and picked up the two mugs--a coffee for her, and herbal tea for Lorelai.

"Here we go," she said bringing them into the living room. She handed the tea to Lorelai who looked up at her in disdain.

"Drink," came the orders. "It's supposed to strengthen your immune system."

Lorelai took it from her and slowly drank, making the same face she did when she was a child and Emily would give her cough medicine. Emily smiled slightly as she watched her daughter's face wrinkle in disgust.

"Lorelai," Emily said as she sat down next to her, "We need to talk about Rory. She called today and she knows something is wrong."

"What did you tell her?" Lorelai asked.

"I told her that everything was fine, but she's not a child Lorelai. She's not going to be satisfied with that. It was wrong of you to keep it from her and I think in the end it's going to do more harm than good."

"I just want to protect her. I know her Mom, if she knows how serious the accident was, she'll get scared and never want to leave again. This is her time." Lorelai said quietly, "I'm not going to take that away from her."

"And lying to her is a better alternative? Honestly Lorelai, are you going to keep it from her forever?"

"The next time she's home should be Thanksgiving, I should be better by then."

Emily shook her head and murmured in disapproval. "You know if you didn't create such a codependant relationship with your daughter, this wouldn't even be an issue."

Lorelai looked at her watch, "Hmm, 2 minutes and 30 seconds, not at all your best time Mom."

"What are you babbling about?"

"How long it took for you to blame me, not bad...still, I've seen you do it much faster."

"Lorelai, I'm serious," Emily said in frustration.

"So am I," Lorelai said in a firm voice. "This is my kid. This is what I want to do."

Emily turned back to face her, feeling something like acid bubbling up in her at her daughter's hypocritical statement. She started to open her mouth and then swallowed it. Things were so perfect between them...couldn't they stay that way? Just a little longer? "Fine," she said in a voice that she made sure would still communicate her disapproval. "I won't say anything."

They watched television for awhile in silence, and then Emily read while Lorelai dozed. When Lorelai woke up, it was almost four.

"Did you have a good nap?" Emily asked.

Lorelai nodded, "It was great," she said smiling. "Thanks."

"Well, Luke will be here soon so I better get going," Emily said picking up her purse and magazine. "I won't be here until 11 tomorrow, I have a DAR meeting in the morning. Will you be able to manage without me?"

"Yeah sure Mom, I'll be fine," Lorelai said nonchalantly as she turned on the television.

"Well, goodbye Lorelai," Emily said starting towards the door.

"Bye Mom," Lorelai waved, engrossed in some soap opera drama.

Emily shook her head. She was almost to the door when she heard the television turn off and heard Lorelai call her. "Yes?" she said turning around.

Lorelai smiled sheepishly at her. "Hey, I was wondering, Luke said he's bringing over Chinese tonight and we're going to have a stay-in date and I was just wondering, would you mind helping me get ready? Help me with my hair and make-up?"

Emily felt a surge of delight flow through her like electricity. "Um...sure," she said smiling, "Anything I can do to help," hoping that she didn't sound too excited. She wasn't fooling anybody. Lorelai smiled at the look on her mother's face. "My make-up bag is there on the desk and would you mind going up to my closet and getting my orange shirt on the top of the shelf?"

"Certainly," Emily said, "Although orange has never been your best..."

"Mother," Lorelai said, meaning business, "Get the shirt."

"Alright, alright," she said, "I'm going."

Once upstairs her face burst into a huge smile. There was a time she admitted that the thought of doing anything to encourage her daughter towards Luke was insanity. But that was in her mind the closer Lorelai got to Luke, the farther away she would be from her. Christopher was insurance, insurance that she would still have contact with her daughter. But, here she was helping her daughter get ready for date with Luke! How things changed. She had often wondered what it would be like to be Lorelai and Rory. She disapproved of some aspects of their relationship. She had never believed that a mother should be best friends with her daughter, a daughter needed her mother to be a mother and sometimes that definitely meant not being a friend. Secretly, what she wanted more than anything else was just to be part of the fun, to be included in their world. Her daughter had just made a gesture for her to come into that world, and it delighted her. She opened the door and shook her head at her daughter's room--some things never change.

"Did you find it?" Lorelai called.

"How do you expect me to find anything in the wild jungles of Africa?" she called back.

"Honestly Mother, you seriously need to get some new lecture material," Lorelai's voice came back.

Finally Emily saw a splash of orange on the top of the closet, she reached up and pulled the shirt off the top. It came down along with a shoebox of pictures. Emily snorted in disgust as she began to pick up the pictures. She looked at them as she put them back in the box and smiled as she saw pictures of baby Rory--such big blue eyes, such adorable little cheeks. She picked up a picture she hadn't seen before. It was of Lorelai and she was hugging someone. Her chest tightened as she realized that it was Mia. It was in the town square of Stars Hollow and it was obviously some kind of occasion. She turned it over and her chest tightened even more as she read the words, "Lorelai and Mia, Mother and Daughter Picnic, Stars Hollow, 1990."

"Mom, I'm turning into an old woman down here!" Lorelai called.

Emily sighed, putting the picture back in the box and started downstairs. "I'm coming," she said.

After Lorelai had changed shirts, she tried to brush her hair but it hurt her chest to raise her arms that high.

"Let me," Emily said gently, and started brushing. She got lost in those dark waves, just like she did when Lorelai was a little girl. Ever since the moment she had found out she was pregnant she had wanted a girl, for nine months she had craved pink. She hardly ever brushed her daughter's hair after three, from that time on Lorelai had to do everything on her own. She loved those rare occasions brushing the strands till they looked like silk and then she would stand back and look at her beautiful girl..._her _beautiful girl.

"Earth to Mom, come in Mom, I hate to interrupt this trip into to space off land, but I have really got to pee," Lorelai's voice brought her out of her thoughts.

"Sorry," Emily said, still in a daze, and bent down to offer Lorelai her shoulder.

Lorelai winced in pain as she stood and Emily put a strong arm around her. "Just lean on me," she whispered tenderly. Taking Lorelai to the bathroom was an ordeal, it took them ten minutes just to get there. "What are you going to watch tonight?" Emily asked as they made their way through the living room.

"I'm not sure, going with the Chinese food theme, we're debating between Mulan, Memoirs of a Geisha and..." Suddenly, Lorelai cried out in pain and doubled over.

"Lorelai, what is it?" Emily cried, her heart racing. "Is it your leg?"

"No...my...side...Oh, Mom..." she cried out again.

"I'm calling 911" Emily said, starting towards the phone.

"No...no Mom wait, don't leave me," she said, and grabbed her mother's hand. Emily held on to her, though her own heart was beating so fast she thought she would faint.

"I'm...I'm okay," Lorelai said, "It's passed." she straightened up.

"We're going to the hospital," Emily said, turning her towards the door.

"No, Mom, please...I probably just ate something that disagreed with me, or maybe I just got up too fast. Please, I don't want to go back there."

"Lorelai, we are going to the hospital,"

"Mom, no, you are not calling the shots here. Now take me to the bathroom." Emily started to say something again and then helped her to the bathroom, not wanting to make Lorelai angry. She was determined not to do anything to push Lorelai away.

"That happens again and we're going to the hospital," she said as she helped Lorelai in.

"Yeah Mom, I promise," Lorelai nodded.

Emily sighed. Maybe that's all it really was...too much excitement.


	10. Storm

Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: I hope everyone is having the merriest of holiday seasons. I so appreciate your patience with me and your willingness to read even though it takes me so long to update. Thank you all for your kind feedback! Thank you!

She had never wanted the name Lorelai. The first night in the hospital--after Richard had gone home and she was left alone with her baby, she held her close and thought about what to name her little angel. She had finally decided on Melanie Joy--Melanie after her mother and Joy after the speechless happiness she felt. But when Richard arrived the next morning he was so excited about naming their daughter after his mother and his grandmother Victoria. "She's a Gilmore Emily, I want her to be proud of her heritage," he said proudly as he held the baby. Emily smiled as she watched the proud papa gaze adoringly at the little baby and didn't have the heart to tell him no. So, Melanie Joy was soon forgotten--maybe for the next one she thought...only the next one never came. There were a lot of things she didn't want after that. She had never really wanted a full-time nanny, it absolutely broke her heart the day when she overheard two-year old Lorelai call the nanny "Mommy." And as Lorelai grew up it seemed as if none of the things Emily wanted would happen. There would be no coming-out, no high school graduation, no college, and finally...no daughter.

An angry driver whizzing by her brought Emily out of her day dream and she realized she was going ten under the speed limit. It was a good thing she had been brought out of her thoughts because she had almost missed the exit to Stars Hollow. It was a beautiful morning and as she pulled into town she realized that she was beginning to like it more and more. At first it was totally beyond her comprehension how her child...her daughter that was raised among the elite of Hartford could choose to live in Green Acres among people that belonged in an institution. But as she had spending more time there lately, she was beginning to see the appeal of the charming town. The last time she had gone grocery shopping for Lorelai, she had even braved Doose's market instead of stopping in Hartford first. She had to dust off a few things with her handkerchief first but on the whole the market was a nice experience. She pulled into her daughter's driveway and smiled at Luke as he walked out of the house. He returned the smile.

"How is she today Luke?" she asked as she got out of the car.

"She's tired," Luke responded, "But she's okay."

"And how about you? You look tired as well," she asked gently and afterwards had to smile at herself. Who would have ever thought she would have motherly concern over Luke Danes?

"I'm fine," he said smiling. "Thanks for asking."

"Well then...I guess we'll see you sometime this evening."

"Yeah, I'll come by after work," he said. "Have a good day Emily."

She looked back at him as he walked away. While the man desperately needed a haircut, and she wished he would shave, she was beginning to like Luke Danes too.

She knocked on the door and then opened it, "Lorelai, it's me," she called. "I picked up the movies you wanted at Blockbuster last night, I must say this Michelle Pfieffer movie looks interesting. I say we watch that one first, after we finish the inn business." Over the past couple of days she had been helping her daughter with paper work Sookie had brought over from the inn. She stopped talking when she realized that Lorelai was on the phone.

"Yes, I'm fine I promise. No...no you don't need to do that. Oh of course I would love to see you." Lorelai said as she waved to her mother.

Emily smiled...was it Rory? Was she actually telling her.

"Thank you, that's so sweet. Yeah, I would love to see you and Howard. We'll put you up in the inn for free," Lorelai said and Emily looked away so Lorelai wouldn't see her face fall...Mia.

"Okay, I'll look for you then...you too Mia, bye." Lorelai said hanging up the phone and smiled at her mother, "Hi mom,"

"Hello," Emily replied taking a deep breath, "So, Mia's coming to town is she?"

Lorelai nodded, "Um...yeah, she is. I guess she found out about it when she called the inn looking for me and wants to come see me now."

"Oh, I see...so your staff is instructed to tell Mia but not your own daughter?"

"Mom, can we not do this again...please?"

Emily forced a smile, "So when is Mia coming?" she asked.

"Next Tuesday. I thought maybe we could do lunch...you, me, Sookie, and Mia, just us girls."

She should have been touched by the offer of inclusion, it was more than she would have recieved before the accident, but instead she felt patronized. There was no "us girls," when it came to Mia. She was not a part of that and she knew it.

"That sounds nice," she said cordially. "So, what business is there at the inn today?"

Helping Lorelai do her work relieved her of her jealousy somewhat and she was looking forward to watching a movie with her daughter later on in the afternoon. While Lorelai napped on the couch, she noticed some dark clouds rolling in, and made a mental note to leave as soon as the movie was over so she could get home before dark. She had picked up "The Deep End of the Ocean," at the Blockbuster in Hartford. Lorelai had told her about the movie a few nights ago and it looked interesting. By the time it started, she wished she had rented another movie. At one point Michelle Pfieffer was in the police office, talking to Whoopi Goldberg after her son Ben's kidnapping.

_"Beth, you have got to survive this." _

_"I don't want to survive Ben,"_

The worry on her face, she knew that worry--the endless worry that eats away at you from the inside. The worry that never goes away, no matter what the doctor prescribes...is your child hurt, are they hungry? are they cold? She felt it coming all back.

_"Lorelai Gilmore. L-o-r-e-l-a-i G-i-l-m-o-r-e," she said, her voice shaking. _

_"Recent snap shot?" the policeman sounded like he was reading a script._

_She desperately wished for Richard, but he had gone out looking for her hours ago. "Um...there's one in my purse." She brought it out, and handed it to the officer without looking at it. _

_"Has your daughter ever run away from home before?" _

_She shook her head, "No," _

_"Is there any place she might go? A friend's house?" _

_"We checked at her friends...they haven't seen her." _

_"Mrs. Gilmore...Mrs. Gilmore..." a voice came from behind her. "We have a doctor here and he'd like to give you something." _

_"I'm fine," she said, and then looked down at her hands, they were shaking. She was still clutching the note, as if it were the last link to her daughter. _

_"Dear Emily and Richard," Emily and Richard...that cut like a knife. _

_"I'm taking Rory and we are going to start a new life. I am not going to marry Christopher and I am going to make it on my own. I will let you know where I am when I get settled. Please don't worry about me. Sincerly, Lorelai." _

_Just a few lines, and she hadn't even spelled sincerely right. That was all it took, just a few lines to say goodbye to your parents and the only home she had ever known. _

_"Mrs. Gilmore," Someone was talking to her again. "I know this is difficult, we are going to do everything in our power to find Lorelai. I need to inform you though that DCSF is going to have to conduct a full investigation." _

_"An investigation for what?" _

_"This is a run away case Mrs Gilmore. It is the policy of Conneticut to investigate all runaway cases for possible child abuse." _

_She felt as though she had been struck...child abuse. _

_"Don't worry, the investigation won't begin until after your daughter is found." _

_Richard didn't get home until three. He found her sitting by the phone, her hand clasping the reciever. She looked up at him, and he shook his head. "I checked all the bus stations, train stations, airports, I checked with all of her friends..." _

_"Christopher?" she asked. _

_"I had to keep from pummeling the young man, but he assures me he hasn't heard from her. He's worried too Emily...after all, his child is out there too." _

_At that she broke down, covering her face with her hands. Richard was to her in a few steps, gathering her in his arms. She held on to him for a few moments and then sat back down by the phone. "She'll come home," she said resolutely, "I know my girl." _

_She had stayed by that phone for the next two days, eating only when Richard could coax her to. Every time the phone rang she jumped, every time the doorbell rang, she ran for it. But it was never her. _

_They found her on the third day. She had called Christopher and told him where she was and although she had told him she wasn't ready to talk to her parents yet, Christopher had called them. Maybe it was Christopher's way of saying he was sorry for everthing that had happened, maybe he as a new father knew what it was like to be worried about a child and empathized with them, or maybe it was fear of Richard's pummeling but they didn't care. She was going to come home that was all that mattered. Richard went to get her and Emily had the cook prepare her favorite meal, and made plans to entice her with a whole new bedroom set. She had the maid start cleaning the whole house and sent out for dozens of irises--her daughter's favorite flower. After two hours had passed by, she sat by the window and watched for them to come. She couldn't wait to hold Rory again, to smell that sweet baby scent. It would be different this time. Lorelai would come home, she would get over whatever was bothering her and then everything would be the way it used to be. Maybe they could get a nanny and Lorelai could finish her high school courses, perhaps she and Christopher would still get married. Perhaps everything was going to be alright after all..._

_She jumped out of the chair as she heard the car pull into the garage. She regained her composure then, standing up straight and putting a loose hair back into place. It was better to not let Lorelai think she had rattled her, if she was calm she could regain control over the situation. _

_It was then that Richard walked in...alone. Richard's eyes met hers and for the first time in seventeen years she saw tears in his eyes. She went to him, searching his face. "I'm sorry Emily," he whispered, his voice breaking. "It's no use." _

_"Richard," she breathed, "Where is she?" _

_"She says that she's beginning proceedings to become an emancipated minor. She says that if we force her to come home she'll keep running away," he replied. "She's staying at an inn in town, she's got a job as a maid. At least..." his voice shook again. "At least...we know she and the baby are safe. She says that she'll call, and maybe after awhile...when things settle down...we can visit her." _

_"Richard...what are you saying? We...we should give up? We're her parents. She needs us." _

_Her husband's shoulders sagged, this man she loved and adored with all of her heart, walked quietly away. "No, she doesn't...not anymore," he replied. _

The pain hurt...physically hurt even after all this time. Would it ever pass? Would there ever be a day that she could look at her daughter and not remember? The month in bed, sixteen years of forced holidays and phone calls, the snide comments, being ignored and evaded at every turn...her eyes closed and her lower lip trembled.

"Mom..." Lorelai said gently as she pressed the remote and stopped the movie. _Mom_...she loved being called Mom. Her mind went back to those words Lorelai had written.

_Dear Emily and Richard...not Mom and Dad, not Mommy and Daddy...never again Mommy and Daddy. _

"Mom, are you okay?" Lorelai asked and placed a hand on her arm.

Emily pursed her lips together and drew in a sharp breath, "I'm fine Lorelai, turn back on the movie."

"Mom, what is it?" Lorelai asked again.

"Did you not hear me? I said I was fine, now turn back on the movie," she ordered firmly.

Suddenly there was a big clap of thunder outside and the rain began to come. Emily grabbed her purse, "I have to go, I need to go home and um...I won't be able to come over tomorrow or next week. Please give my regards to Mia and Howard."

"Whoa, hold on lady, if you are going to be mad at me don't you think I should know what I did? I mean how else are you going to hold it over my head for the next ten years."

Emily knew she was kidding, but the statment was a blow none the less. She turned towards her daughter, "You know, sometimes, you really aren't funny."

"Mom, come on, what is it?" Lorelai asked again.

"Nothing, I would just like to go home if I might have permission from her royal highness?" Emily said as another streak of lightening hit the sky.

Lorelai looked hurt by the remark but shook her head, "Mom, it looks awful out there. You can't drive."

"I am perfectly capable of making that decision on my own, thank you."

"Mom... what the..." then she nodded as she realized what was happening. "I know what this is about. It's about Mia."

"Lorelai, I really don't care about who your friends are. I just would like to go home."

"Mom, maybe if you got to know Mia, you would..."

"Yes," Emily snorted sarcastically, "That's exactly what I want to do. I want to get to know perfect Mia, the wonderful, caring, Mia. So what...Pennilyn is your almost mommy, and Mia is your replacement mommy?" she turned to look at her daughter.

Lorelai ran a hand through her hair, "Mom, for God sakes it was over twenty years ago," she whispered.

"You're a fine one to talk about letting go," Emily retorted.

"Mom, I don't want to get into this right now."

"Why? Because you can't get up and leave? Because you can't walk away? That's what you do best isn't it?" Emily said as she grabbed her purse.

"I was miserable, can't you understand that?"

"No!" Emily shouted, "I don't understand what was so terrible about your life. You had a roof over your head, you had parents who were taking care of you..."

"I had parents who were ashamed of me...embaressed of me..." Lorelai shot back.

"Oh for God's sake Lorelai! Get over yourself. It wasn't all about you!"

"Mom, I know I hurt you, I know that...I got it, I got the concept. I've had to live with that every day since. I know I spoiled the plan, I know that!"

"Lorelai, it was never about my plans!"

"Oh bull!"

She felt like a wave was crashing down on her, all the emotions, all of the hurt, the anger, it all came down to this and it suprised her at how passionately it came out. "Lorelai," she cried, tears burning in her eyes. "It was your life! You don't just walk away from your life!"

Lorelai was dumbstruck. She looked as though she had been slapped. Emily turned and started to walk out.

"While you're walking away Mom, think about this," Lorelai shouted after her. "You never asked me what happened during that time I was awayz. You never once asked me!"

The door slammed and Lorelai was left alone. She wished Rory was here. She started to cry as her mother's words seeped into her. She knew this would happen, things had been too perfect. She suddenly felt six years old.

_"Mommy, come play with me." _

_"I can't right now I have to make phone calls." _

_"Mommy do you have to go out tonight?" _

_"Lorelai, I have to go to the Red Cross meeting, this is very important" _

_Everything was always important, the DAR, the symphony board, her father's business parties, Everything...no matter what it was, was always more important. _

A loud crack of thunder startled her. She had always been afraid of the thunder as a child. The rain poured down and it was starting to get dark. She wished Luke would hurry. Another clap of thunder made her cry out and suddenly the lights went out. She sat there alone in the dark for what seemed like hours. She hated being alone. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and she saw a flashlight beam.

"Luke?" she called, starting to cry.

"No, it's me," came the familiar voice, "Are...are you alright?"

"Mom?"

Her mother stepped into the light of the moon. She was dripping wet. "You're right," Emily said and walked over towards her. "I'm asking now. Tell me..." her voice caught in her throat. "Tell me what happened."


	11. The Truth about Love

Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story and no copyright infringment is intended.

Author's note: Thank you all for the kind feedback. I really appreciate you all taking the time to read my stories and tell me what you think. I hope you like this next installment. Sorry again for taking so long to update.

Sweatshirt--the very name disgusted her. Why in Heaven's name would anyone want to wear anything with such a revolting name? However, she was freezing and as she looked through Lorelai's strange array in her closet, there appeared to be very little option. As she put in on, she was suprised at how instantly warm and comfortable she felt. She sat down on Lorelai's bed and combed out her wet hair with shaking hands. Everything was happening too fast. Just an hour ago they had been watching a movie together, things had been fine and now...she was going to go down there and hear what happened after her daughter left her. The missing sixteen years..._sixteen years..._it made her dizzy to think about it. She wasn't ready for this. She walked slowly back down the stairs, ignoring the amused look on her daughter's face at seeing her in a sweatshirt. Instead, there was something in Lorelai's face that disturbed her. She hadn't noticed before how pale her daughter looked.

"Are you feeling alright?" Emily asked as she sat down next to her.

Lorelai nodded, "Are you warm enough?"

Emily nodded in response and they fell into an uncomfortable silence. The only sound was the rain outside and the occasional crack of thunder. They had never been much for talking to eachother. In the early days it had been different, there had been such affection between mother and daughter that it hadn't mattered that they didn't really talk. But as time went on, as the chasm of different dreams deepened between them, their inability to communicate proved to be the destructive force in their relationship. Both Emily and Lorelai sat quietly, wondering if after all this time, after all the fighting and hurtful words...was it possible to really talk?

"Mom," Lorelai said quietly.

"Yes?" Emily replied, staring at her hands.

"Mom..."Lorelai said again, her voice shaking. "You...we...we don't have to do this right now...Not if you don't want to."

Again the silence fell between them. Finally Emily spoke, "Tell me, I...I want to understand."

Lorelai looked down at her hands and twisted them back and forth uncomfortably. She would never have believed she would be doing this, never believed that she would be telling her mother of all people about her past. She really had only said what she did out of spite. Then she looked up at her mother and saw the look in her eyes. It was the same look she saw the night her mother had stayed in the hospital with her. It was a look she knew all to well, stemming from that awful and wonderful thing that is a mother's love.

"Lorelai," her mother's voice broke the silence. "Please."

"What do you want to know?" Lorelai asked.

Emily cursed under her breath as she felt tears burn in her eyes. What did she want to know? What more did she ever want to know then the question that had haunted her for over twenty years. Through the worry, the court case, the endless years of estrangement, one question had burned in her heart.

"Why?" she breathed.

Lorelai looked down at her hands again for a long time.

"Lorelai?" her mother prodded, suddenly feeling desperate, as if she could not go one more minute without knowing.

"Do you remember that trip we took to the seashore when Rory was six months old?" she asked quietly.

"Yes," Emily replied, wondering what that had to do with anything.

Lorelai stopped again and turned towards the window. After a minute, she turned back to face her. "I went shopping one afternoon with Rory in this little shop along the beach. I was pushing her in the stroller when I saw this little girl looking at the collection of snow globes. She was fascinated with them and she had money crumpled in her hand that I knew she was going to buy one with. Her mom came up behind her and she asked her mom to tell her which one she should buy. I'll never forget what the mom said. She said, 'That's your choice, you choose whatever one will make you happy.' As soon as she said that I started to cry. The thought of choosing something, deciding something for yourself...I realized that my whole life I'd been having things chosen for me, what I did with my life, what I wore, what I ate, what I studied, was all chosen for me. I didn't want that life anymore. I was tired of sneaking around Mom. I was tired of only doing what I wanted behind your back and trying to please you while you where there and never getting there. I couldn't do it anymore Mom. I didn't want that life for me anymore and I didn't want that life for Rory."

Emily was quiet, the words cut too deep for criticism or sarcasm which were her defenses when her daughter hurt her. Now, it was more than Lorelai being flippant, it was the truth and she knew it. She drew in a deep breath to steady herself and clutched the side of the couch. Her mind went back to the court dates, the awful, humiliating court dates when her daughter sat at one side of the room and they sat at the other.

_"You didn't bring the baby," Emily said standing up as her daughter walked down the hall of the courthouse._

_"No, can we just get this over with please, I have work to do," _

_Richard was silent, he was always silent now...he had given up the night he had gone to get his daughter and come home empty handed. _

_The court date had gone like all the others, mother and daughter fighting, father silent, judge mediating the lost cause of putting a family back together. They had been walking out of the building when Lorelai called out to her. _

_"I'll be in the car," Richard grumbled and left without looking at Lorelai. _

_"Mom," she said when she caught up to Emily. "You need to listen to me. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Dad. I need to do this. I need to be on my own. If you force me to come back I will run away again and keeping running away. I'll be eighteen in less than a year Mom and if you force me to stay at the house until then I swear I will have a Uhaul in the driveway the morning of my birthday and I will go as far away as I can. Right now, I'm a half hour away and I will call and you can come visit." _

_"Lorelai, you are not calling the shots here," Emily retorted. _

_"No Mom, for once in my life I am...let me go." _

Emily rubbed her fingers against the bridge of her nose. She took a deep breath and faced her daughter, "You..." she sucked in a deep breath and then started again with a shaking voice, "You were really that unhappy?"

Lorelai was taken aback at the hurt that was in her mother's eyes. She nodded slowly, "Yeah, I was."

Emily turned away from her again, and looked down at her shaking hands. After that day in the courthouse, the day she had given up, turned her back and walked away, she had been building a wall up against this--a twenty one year old wall and now that it was starting to come down it completely terrified her.

"Do you know..." Emily started and stopped again and shook her head, "Do you know how many children are homeless, hungry, orphaned, who would have done anything...anything in the world to have..."

"I knew this would happen, I knew it. You still aren't hearing me. You never heard me."

"You...never...talked...to...me!" Emily yelled back. "My god, Lorelai you never told you were miserable!"

"Would you have listened to me?"

"I would have liked the opportunity to!"

"Mom..." Lorelai cried out, "Don't you get it? I never wanted your life. I never wanted the life you chose for me. I had to get away or I was going to go crazy. Yes, I had food, clothing, shelter, but what I needed was acceptance! What I needed was your love!"

Emily reeled back like she had been slapped, "And you found what you wanted with Mia right?"

"Here we go again!" Lorelai shouted. "You don't even hear me. You are so focused on being jealous of Mia that you can't even hear me!" Lorelai's eyes suddenly filled with tears, "And you wonder why I didn't tell you what I was feeling?"

The silence fell between them again, a deep silence that made them both shift uncomfortably. "She gave me a chance," Lorelai said slowly. "She gave me a chance to do what I needed to do, be who I needed to be." She paused for a long moment and then took another deep breath. "I wanted my own life more than anything I'd ever wanted before. I was dying in your house Mom. I had to get out."

"So that's it," Emily said slowly. "You want your own life, and I had nothing to say in the matter." Again the long silence, and Emily brushed away a tear. She tried to speak again and her emotions overwhelmed her. She swallowed hard and then tried again, "Were you...scared, were you and Rory hungry?"

"I packed food," Lorelai replied, "I used to take things from dinner and hide them in my napkin, and I took things from the kitchen too. I...was scared when night time came. I was scared that I wouldn't find a place to stay. That's when I came to the Independence Inn," she said quietly. "That's when I met Mia."

Emily turned away and nodded slowly. "And she gave you a job...as a maid."

"Yes...Mom, I want you to understand something. I really want you to know that I was happy. I loved being a maid, I love being a mom, I found myself in those years. I worked hard and I provided for Rory and me. It was a good life," Lorelai gently brought a hand and placed it on her mother's shoulder. "Can you just be happy for me for that? Can you just be happy knowing that I was happy?"

Emily didn't answer, just stared ahead at the picture of Rory when she was two years old and in the pumpkin costume for Halloween. Sixteen years...she had missed sixteen years out of both of their lives. Sixteen years that was gone forever, and she couldn't get back. She turned back to Lorelai, "Let me ask you a question, when Rory dropped out of school and moved into our house, were you happy for her just knowing that she was happy?"

Lorelai bristled, "That's different."

"How?"

"She wasn't supposed to be there, she was never supposed to drop out of school," Lorelai said.

"So...what I hear you saying is that you were supposed to get pregnant, drop out of high school, and run away from home?"

"Mom, let's just get down to the real issue here. Whatever happened between me and Rory, was between me and Rory, it's over now, it's in the past and we've forgiven eachother. The thing with you is you are never going to forgive me for getting pregnant and spoiling the plan. I get it, I've known that for twenty-two years so if this is all this delightful talk is going to get us, then let's turn back on the movie."

Emily shook her head, "I never knew anyone who thought the world revolved around them more than you."

"Mom!" Lorelai shouted, "I'm tired! So if this is just going to end out to be the "You are the plague of the Gilmores speech" then I can do without it."

"Well guess what!" Emily shouted back. "I'm tired too! I'm tired of the sarcasm, and the rolling of the eyes, I'm tired of having to go out of my way to try and have some semblence of a relationship with you and then facing disappointment again and again and again. I'm tired too!"

"Alright you want me to say it? You really want me to say it? Yes, Mia was like a mother to me, she took me in, she helped me and she helped Rory and she made me feel loved!" Lorelai stopped as she started to cry. "That's all I ever wanted was to feel loved!"

Emily stared at her, the hurt coursing through her like electricity. It hurt to even breathe. Here it was, summed up in that one outburst from her daughter--the ultimate tragedy of her life. She had had a child, a darling little girl whose hair had begun to curl at six months. She had loved that child more than she had ever loved anything and that little girl had never known how much because she had never seen what her mother went through after she was gone.

"Love..." Emily repeated slowly. "Lorelai, after that day in the courthouse, I went home, went to bed and didn't leave the bedroom for a month. And the only reason that I left then was because I knew it was killing your father. He had to force me to eat, to drink. For days at a time, I couldn't sleep. Dr. Reynolds came to tell me that if I didn't start eating, he was going to put me in the hospital. Love? Losing you completely shattered my heart. No...I'm sorry, I can't just be happy for you because you were happy."

She turned away and the only sound was the rain falling on the roof. It was like that for a few moments, and then another sound was heard...the sound of someone crying. Emily turned back around to see her sobbing daughter face full of pain . Very slowly, for she knew she was taking a big risk, she held out her arms to her girl and a thrill of delight and anguish struck her at the same time as her daughter leaned into her arms and held on tight.

"I'm sorry," Emily whispered slowly, her own voice breaking as she caressed the silky black hair. Lorelai stopped crying after a few minutes but still they held onto eachother.

"I need you to know something," Lorelai said, struck with the sudden memory of the comforting sound of her mother's heart beat.

"What's that?" Emily whispered gently.

"I would have come back. If I'd known that you...I would have come home."

The words seeped through Emily like sunshine on a warm day. She smiled and then tenderly kissed the top of Lorelai's head. "And that my girl, is why you need to tell Rory about the accident."


	12. Pictures of Missing Memories

Disclaimer: This is an original story based on the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Thank you to all who read and reviewed the last chapter. I appreciate it as always. Thank you all for taking the time to do that. I hope you enjoy the next installment.

"Richard, Richard...for heaven's sake. Yes darling, yes I am well aware of what a cellphone is as I am talking to you on one right now. Yes, for the forty-fifth time I apologize for not calling you and letting you know I was still at Lorelai's. Richard...Richard, I'm staying the night here. Yes, she's fine, stop worrying. I'll call you in the morning. Goodbye dear," Emily hung up the phone and at the same time rolled her eyes at Richard's worry and smiled--enjoying the attention.

"Alright, the men folk are taken care of," Lorelai said, hanging up her phone after talking to a baffled Luke telling him not to come over tonight because her mother was spending the night. But, she figured if he knew anything, it was that Lorelai Gilmore came with never-ending twists that didn't make a whole lot of sense.

"Mom, in that closet in the hall, there's two boxes marked Independence Inn, would you grab them for me?"

Emily went to the closet and shook her head at the clutter. "It's amazing that someone who made a career as a maid, could have such a filthy looking closet. If you were my maid, I would have fired you."

"Mother, if I was your maid, I would have fired myself. Could you bring the boxes please?"

Emily did as she was asked and forgot the closet immediately when Lorelai opened the boxes and to her delight it was filled with pictures.

Lorelai smiled at the look on Emily's face as she gently picked up a batch of pictures. There was one of Lorelai and Rory walking together on the grounds of the Independence Inn, one of Lorelai pushing Rory in a swing, one of Rory asleep in her high chair with the remains of chocolate cake around her mouth. Emily chucked and brushed a finger down Rory's face,"When was this?" she asked.

"Her second birthday, she devoured that cake and then fell asleep," Lorelai replied. She followed me around the next few days saying "Toclate take."

"Tell me more," Emily said quietly, "Tell me more things like that."

"She was the darling of the town, everyone adopted her from Miss Patty and Babette to..."

"...Mia" Emily said slowly.

"She was the friendliest kid Mom," Lorelai went on, dodging the Mia comment. "As soon as she could say it, her favorite word was "hi." She said it to everyone everywhere we went. She read like crazy, I couldn't get her books fast enough. When she was six, she read Nancy Drew books in an afternoon. When she was ten, she was reading Dickens." Lorelai laughed at another picture she picked up of Rory and her friends dressed in gaudy dress-up clothes.

"When she was eight, she and Lane came to me and asked me if they and a few friends could put on a play and if I would come to it. I was busy cleaning, said yes and then two hours later they come get me and out on the lawn there is about sixty people. This girl had gone door to door and sold tickets, that she had made herself, for twenty five cents, then because there weren't any chairs not in use at the Inn, she called the Methodist church and asked them for chairs. She had gone to Luke's, and asked for donations for the refreshments. So, here I come, thinking this was going to be a little play put on for my benefit and find out she had orchestrated this entire production."

Emily laughed, but behind the laugh was a bitter pain. Lorelai went on to share other memories of Rory, memories that she would have given anything to be a part of. What would she have given to be at Miss Patty's recital of Peter and the Wolf when Rory played Sonya the duck, or the teddy bear picnic at her eighth birthday party, or the 4th grade spelling bee when Rory won the ten dollar gift certificate to Stars Hollow Books and might as well been presented with the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes. She held pictures of each of the events, but that's all they would ever be to her, pictures to hold in her hand. But...at least Lorelai wanted to share them with her now. Having that now, the fact that her daughter wanted her to know, was more than she had ever expected.

"Tell me more," Emily said

"Well, when Rory was two..."

"No," Emily whispered hoarsely, "Tell me more about you."

Lorelai stopped suddenly and smiled slightly. Although she had hated herself for it, there had always been a twinge of jealousy in her for the perfect angel granddaughter that could never do anything wrong in her parent's eyes.

"I worked, I saved, I went to Business College, I raised Rory, nothing really special."

"Don't sell yourself short Lorelai, Rory is a remarkable young woman."

"She came that way Mom. I just unwrapped the packaging."

Emily shook her head, "No, Lorelai...that girl is the masterpiece of your life."

The words caused a thrill of pride shoot through her like electricity. She felt tears stinging in her eyes. "Thanks Mom," she whispered.

Emily smiled, "Tell me what it is about this place that has such hold on you. I want to understand what you love about it."

"I don't know, a million different things I guess. I love the fact that a wedding or even a birthday is a town affair, I love the knit-a-thons, the living art festival, the winter carnival, it's a magical place. I guess it's the people most of all. When Rory was five, she decided that she wanted to be a ballerina. There was this pink frilly lampshade in the dining hall of the Independence Inn, well it turns up missing and the next thing I know, my daughter has removed the top bar and has it around her waist as a tutu. I didn't have the money for dancing lessons, but then Patty shows up one day and tells me that I've won two free years of dance lessons from everyone's last names in the town that start with G. It was a lousy cover-up, but I loved her for the fact that she not only wanted to give Rory lessons, but save my pride as well. Everyone's been like that, since we moved here. You saw at the party they threw for Rory--everyone always watched over her, and me like we were family."

"How did you and Luke first meet?" Emily asked.

"Excuse me?"

"What?"

"You have never cared about the history of Luke and I before."

"I want to know, it's a perfectly reasonable thing for a mother to ask."

"There's a sweet story involved Mom, I don't want you to make fun of it."

"What makes you think I'll make fun of it? I mean do you meet over armadillo meet at the local truck stop?"

"You see! I knew it!"

"Sorry, sorry, I was just kidding. Please...tell me the story."

"I was 28 or 29, and I went into Luke's for the first time, dying for some coffee. I kept following him around, telling him to give me coffee and he kept barking at me that he'd get to me when he could. So, I asked him what his birthday was, tore out the horoscopes and wrote down, 'You will meet an annoying woman today, give her coffee and she will go away.' I handed him the horoscope, told him to keep it for good luck, he gave me coffee and I left and forgot about the whole thing. When he took me on our first official date, he pulled out the horoscope from his wallet. He had kept it all those years."

Emily was speechless, she had never considered Luke capable of such a romantic gesture. "That's lovely," she said smiling and picked up a few more pictures to look at.

"Mom?" Lorelai said after a few minutes.

"Yes?"

"What did you mean before? When I told you that I would have come home if I'd known, why did you say that was why I needed to tell Rory?"

Emily took a deep breath, "Your father wanted to tell you what was happening. They...they were on the verge of committing me...and your father said you had a right to know. I told him not to tell you. I made him promise not to ever tell you. You made your choice." There was a long pause and then Emily went on. "I...I was wrong and...you are wrong for making that choice for Rory. If she comes back, she comes back. She deserves to make that choice for herself."

Lorelai nodded slowly, "She's in Portland Oregon tonight covering a meeting. She told me she'd call tomorrow. I'll...I'll think about it."

Emily nodded, feeling she had made her point and returned to the treasure boxes of photographs. She wanted to see each one, and know the story behind it. There was so much that she had missed. "Lorelai," she said quietly after she had looked at some more pictures. She opened her mouth to speak again and then stopped. "Never mind," she said.

"What?" Lorelai prodded.

"It just...I...never mind," Emily said shaking her head.

"Mom?"

Emily turned and looked at her. "It was never...well..." she swallowed hard and then began again. "You said something a little while ago. You said I can't forgive you for getting pregnant for spoiling the plan. You were right in a way. I haven't been able to forgive you...but not for getting pregnant. I...can't forgive you for running away...for giving up on us, on the idea of our family. You took a piece of me away from me, a very precious piece. I took care of you, the same as your father taking care of you was part of who I was and when I didn't have you any longer I lost that part of me. I...don't know if I can let that anger go. It's going to take some time."

"For me too," Lorelai said quietly, then she sighed and smiled. "I need to tell you something Mom. I've never told anyone this, not even Rory. When Rory was three, we were shoe shopping in the mall when suddenly I smell you. That scent brought back so many memories, of dollhouse days, when you'd come in and kiss me goodnight before you left for a function, when you'd pick me up and hold me." Emily's eyes filled with tears as Lorelai continued. "I followed the lady with your perfume all over the mall, just wanting to hold on to that feeling, wanting...to hold onto you. There were times, I promise, when I really missed you."

Emily smiled, holding back the sob that threatened to come out. "I missed you too," she said gently, and then tugged on a piece of her girl's hair.

They spent the evening looking at pictures, Emily laughing at Lorelai's stories, and Lorelai enjoying after all sharing her life with her mother. They stayed up and watched another movie and by the end, Lorelai was asleep. Emily gently tucked her in and bent down to kiss her on the top of the forehead.

Lorelai woke up for a moment and looked up at her, "Maybe I still need you to take care of me...a little."

Emily smiled, "I'll be in Rory's room. Call me if you need me."

It was a happy mother that snuggled down in her granddaughter's bed that night, feeling at last that she was free. It was still a long road ahead of them, but at least they had finally started. She had no trouble drifting off to sleep, thinking happy thoughts about the days to come. She woke up suddenly when she heard a crash coming from the kitchen. She hurried out of bed, and went into the kitchen to see her very pale daughter drinking cup after cup of water.

"Lorelai?" she was to her in two steps. "Are you alright?"

"I'm so thirsty Mom," Lorelai said between gulps of water.

Emily reached her hand up and felt Lorelai's forehead, "My god, you're burning up. We're going to the emergency room.

"No...I'm okay, I just need to lie down."

"We're going."

"Mom it's the middle of the night."

"Lorelai..." her mother suddenly looked very frightened. "Have you been having that pain. The same one you had before?"

"Mom..."

"Answer me!" Emily yelled.

Lorelai stared at her for a moment then nodded slowly. "But not as bad."

"Let's go."

"Mom, the hospital is thirty miles away, you don't see well in the dark, I can't drive. Let's just wait until in the morning. We'll call the doctor first thing in the morning. Please, I just need to lie down."

"Lorelai..."

"Mom, I'm not going tonight. First thing in the morning."

"Alright," Emily said and helped her back to bed. She brought her some Tylenol for the her fever, and a cold compress for her head. She stayed with her until she fell back to sleep but Emily was up for the rest of the night, watching the rising and falling of her daughter's chest.


	13. The Price You Pay

Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls

Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Thank you all for your feedback on the last chapter. I appreciate it! Sorry it's taken me so long to get the next one up. I hope you all enjoy the next installment.

"Time to go," Emily said with "I mean it" eyes.

"Mom, the fever is gone, I feel a lot better," Lorelai said but was completely ignored.

"I have a severe allergy to tongue depressors," Lorelai said sticking out her bottom lip, "My tongue breaks out in a rash."

"Considering that line didn't work when you were eight, do you really think that it will work now?" Emily asked as she bent down so Lorelai could get a grip on her shoulder.

Lorelai grinned, "That was a memorable trip to the doctor wasn't it?"

"Oh just wonderful. If you whistle in the stethoscope, or stick the tongue depressors up your nose again, you are promptly going to be disowned," Emily said as she reached out a hand to help her up.

"Really? I should have tried that again years ago."

"Stand up and shut up please."

They made it as far as the door before Lorelai's cell phone rang. "Honestly Lorelai, tell the man we will call him when we get back from the doctor. We'll never get there if he keeps calling to see if you're okay. We don't if you're okay any more than we did five minutes ago!" Emily said as she rolled her eyes.

"Relax Mom it's not Luke, its Sookie...Hey Sook," she said as she answered the phone. They had a quick conversation. "Yeah, I'll be right there...bye."

"We'll have to stop by the inn Mom," Lorelai said as Emily helped her into the car.

"Why? Can't they handle it there?"

"I have to sign some papers. It will only take a few minutes."

"Alright, only a few minutes," Emily said as she moved around to her side of the car.

"Considering I can't move without assistance Mom, I think you have the advantage."

There was nothing in the world that filled Emily with more pride than seeing the Dragonfly Inn. It was it's own world, a world her girl created. The beauty of it astounded her and yet she couldn't bring herself to tell Lorelai that. Maybe it was because criticism had become second nature to her, maybe it was because the world was still so different from hers. If she was going to being honest with herself, there was a part of her that didn't know what to make of Lorelai's success. Lorelai had broken the rules, changed the plans, and yet here she was running a successful business. It wasn't that she was resentful of Lorelai's success; it just made no sense to her. She couldn't comprehend it. But, as they pulled into the parking lot of the inn, Emily heart swelled.

"I am so proud of you," the words came out before she realized it, but she couldn't have stopped them had she tried. There was silence after she said it and when she turned to look at daughter, Lorelai was staring at her with tears pooling in her eyes.

"Oh stop crying, I've said it before," Emily said rolling her eyes.

Lorelai shook her head, "Not since I was fifteen and won the Harriet Beecher Stowe award for the paper I wrote in English."

Emily felt the guilt tear at her in the bottom of her stomach. Had it really been that long? She unbuckled her seatbelt and went over to Lorelai's side of the car. She spoke with more tenderness as she gently lifted Lorelai up and put her arm around her waist. "Just lean on me," she said as they walked into the foyer. Emily's eyes lit up as she watched Lorelai do her job and as she saw how much the employees thought of her.

"Lorelai!" Sookie's voice came from the kitchen. "I'm so glad you're here! Hi Emily!"

"Hello Sookie, how are you?" Emily nodded.

"Great," Sookie said and then turned to Lorelai, "Sweetie, it's so good to see you up and about. Do you have a minute before you go to the doctor? Can you taste one the crescent rolls? I tried a new recipe."

"Actually Sookie we..." Emily started, but Lorelai cut her off. "Yeah, we have a minute."

Sookie moved in to take Emily's place and Lorelai leaned on her as they walked to the kitchen.

"Two minutes and counting!" Emily called after her.

"Yes mother," Lorelai replied and then turned around and smiled. Oh that smile, that beautiful smile that could melt Emily's heart when she was angry, and light up the world when she was sad. It was that smile she missed the most over those sixteen years. As Lorelai slowly made it down the hall, Emily tapped a tourist on the shoulder, and pointed down the hall, "That's my daughter," she said. "She owns this inn." The woman nodded and Emily smiled happily as she sat down as she waited for Lorelai to return.

It all happened so fast and slow at the same time. She had picked up a Better Homes and Garden's magazine when there was a crash coming from the kitchen.

"Lorelai!" Sookie screamed.

Emily tore out of her seat as if the hand of the almighty had thrown her out of it. She ran down the hall towards the kitchen. "Dear God," she cried out when she saw a deathly pale Lorelai collapsed on the floor. "Call 911!" she cried. "Lorelai!" she knelt down and gathered her into her arms. "Lorelai!" She put her head against Lorelai's chest and went dizzy with relief to hear she was getting air.

"The ambulance is on it's way Emily," Sookie cried out. Emily cradled Lorelai's head against her heart, and rocked her back and forth. "Dear God," she whispered, "Not now, please don't take my baby."

"_Alright baby, that's right, Mommy's here," Emily said as she gently took the newborn out of her crib. She sat down on the rocking chair and began to rock back and forth. "That's right Mommy's right here," she whispered. She fed her while stroking her velvet cheek and soft silky hair and when she was done, she brought her up close to her and put her cheek against the small one. _

_"I love you," she whispered. _

"Can someone call my husband please?" Emily cried out as they lifted Lorelai into the ambulance and she stepped in with her. "Have him meet us at the hospital!"

The ride to the hospital seemed to take hours. Two men worked over Lorelai while she watched, "She was in an accident ..." she said and her voice seemed far away, "She was having pain...in her side," but it seemed as though no one heard her.

"Tell me what's happening!" Emily cried out, but no one would answer her. She desperately wished for Richard. Lorelai looked so pale. She felt so helpless. By the time they reached the hospital, Lorelai still hadn't regained consciousness. Emily felt fear in a way she had never known. When the accident had happened, when Richard had his heart attack, she had been terrified. This was different. Watching her daughter's face, so still and white, filled her with a feeling that shook her to her very core. She felt it in her pores, it seeped through her like ice water. She didn't cry, just stared at the people whisking Lorelai away into the hospital. The voices seemed to blend together, like she was hearing the talk from under water. She hurried after Lorelai, her skin tingled as she walked and she felt like she was falling. She caught some of what the ambulance people were saying.

"_Car accident...lost consciousness...Mom says...complained of pain in side...Mom's behind us...in shock_."

Suddenly a nurse touched her on the arm and Emily cried out.

"_Mrs. Gilmore...daughter allergic...medications_?"

"What?" Emily said, "Where's...where's my daughter?"

"_Mrs. Gilmore, in...shock...need to...give you..."_

"I want to see my daughter," her words felt foggy, "Please"

Suddenly, she could hear another voice, and her heart leaped into her chest. "Where is my daughter? Where's my wife? Where's Emmy! Emmy!"

"Richard!" she called out to him, and in a moment she was in his arms, Richard's strong, wonderful arms. She melted into him as he held her, and when they parted he took her face into his hands. "What happened?" he whispered hoarsely.

Emily shook her head, "I...I don't know. She had a fever during the night...and...I...we were going to he doctor when we stopped at the inn...and she collapsed...oh God Richard...I...I should have called the ambulance last night..." suddenly she felt dizzy and fell back against Richard.

"She's in shock Mr. Gilmore, I can give her something," the nurse said gently.

"No..." Emily shook her head. "No, I don't want anything."

"Emmy," Richard said gently, rubbing her back, "Let them give you something."

"I don't want to sleep," she said.

"It's alright Mrs. Gilmore," the nurse said gently, "It won't put you to sleep."

It seemed to her that she had just nodded her approval when she felt the sting of the needle. Richard put his arm around her and she leaned into his embrace. The feeling of drowning soon disappaited, her skin stopped crawling and she didn't feel as though she was gasping for the breaths she took. The doctor came out, a different one than with the car accident and the nervous parents entwined hands as they stood up.

"Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore, I'm afraid Lorelai is in acute kidney failure. The accident severely damaged her left kidney and now the right one is beginning to shut down as well. She is going to need a transplant within the next five hours."

The hands closed tighter, pressing against each other until both of their knuckles were white. "If you have possible donors available, we need to start testing them right away. Of course a family member has the greatest potential for a match; I know Lorelai has a daughter."

"Richard," Emily cut the doctor off and turned her husband towards her. "Richard, she's in Portland, the rally in Portland. Fly there and get her, get her on a plane and bring her here," Richard nodded slowly, "I can't leave...Emily...what if she..." he said as his voice shook. "Richard," Emily said forcefully as if their roles had been reversed and she was now being the strong one, "Get Rory. Get Rory now."

Richard quickly bent down and kissed her. "I'll...I'll be back by tonight. I'll bring her back," he whispered and hurried down the hall.

Emily suddenly felt very alone. "Where do I need to go to be tested?"

"The third floor, the nurse will take you there," the doctor said and went back in the direction of Lorelai.

"Doctor," Emily whispered in a haunting, tortured voice, "That pain in her side...it was her kidney wasn't?"

The doctor seemed to know where she was going with her questions and sighed sympathetically, "Yes, it was...but we don't know if early detection would have made any difference."

Emily said nothing, just followed the nurse down the corridor. She was half way down the hall when it seemed as if a blur of flannel whizzed by her and grabbed her arm. "Emily!" Luke said, "Where is she? Is she okay?" The fear in Luke's eyes took her breath away. "

"She...she needs a kidney transplant. I'm on my way to get tested for a match" Emily said slowly, staring ahead at the wall.

"I'll go with you," he said and suddenly put his arm around her, helping her walk. If anyone would have ever told her she would get comfort from Luke Danes, she would have laughed hysterically.

"Richard is on his way to get Rory," she whispered, and feeling weak, she put her arm around Luke as well to hold herself up.

"That's good," Luke nodded. "I'll get people from the town to come in and test too."

Suddenly Emily stopped and drew in a sharp breath, "Dear God Luke...what if Lorelai...before Rory gets here," she whispered, stifling a sob. He tightened his grip on her.

"She's not going anywhere," he said firmly. We're going to find her a kidney. They'll test you and me and..."

"Me," came a voice from behind them. "I'm coming too."

It was a voice that sounded sweet, but caused Emily's stomach to churn and her heart to clench in her chest. It was the voice that belonged to the woman who for sixteen years had what she could not...her daughter.

Mia.


	14. To Live in Fear

Disclaimer: This is an original story based upon the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story and no copyright infringment is intended.

Author's Note: I imagine most of you thought that I had fallen off the face of the earth. I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long. I've been going through somewhat of a difficult time. Thank you for being patient with me.

She was freezing. It seemed as though she had never been anything but cold. "Can't you turn up the heat?" she snapped at the way too young girl tying attaching the way too long needle to the little tube that would take her blood.

"This will be over in a moment Mrs. Gilmore," the girl said wiping alchohol over her vein.

"You can't be more than sixteen," Emily said as the girl told her to make a fist. "I want someone who is not part of some high school program."

"I'm almost 23 Mrs. Gilmore," the girl said with a little edge in her voice and Emily drew in a sharp breath. She was the same age as Rory. Rory...who had no idea what was going on, and who she had flat-out lied to. What if Richard wasn't able to get her here in time...no, she would not allow herself to go there. She couldn't consider the unthinkable.

"Well," Emily snapped. "You don't have to have an attitude."

She looked away as she felt the "small bee sting" she was told she would feel, but she turned to watch the blood flow out of her. She lay back against the pillow and thought of the precious life she had sheltered and nourished inside of her for nine months. She suddenly felt tears stinging in her eyes and shook her head. It was so easy then—eat right, get plenty of rest, drink plenty of fluids—and you could take care of that life inside of you. And that was it. After that she couldn't ever protect Lorelai...not really. Now somewhere in this gray, lonely hospital her baby's body was broken. Her guilt seeped through her and she felt like her skin was crawling. What could she have been thinking? Why didn't she call the doctor the moment Lorelai was in pain? She had been so concerned about not losing the new found connection to her daughter, so concerned about herself, that she had ignored the fact that Lorelai was in trouble.

_"Dear God...how can I face Rory?" _

The only thing that brought her comfort was knowing that her blood, her body would once again be able to sustain her child's life. Maybe it would all be over before Rory came. As soon as the test came back positive she would be ready for the surgery.

"That's it Mrs. Gilmore," the technician said, "I've got to get these tests up to the lab.The results will be back soon."

"Well hurry up," she snapped and then drank down the orange juice the girl gave her. "Where's my daughter?"

He missed the first step. That was what Richard couldn't stop thinking about. He had been in Europe when it happened. He had missed it, and the thing that killed him now was that he hadn't particularly cared. He had missed so much. It was all he knew really, his father had rarely been around when he was growing up. It was the man's job to provide for his family. That meant making sacrifices. As he swirled his drink in his hand he remembered back to when he was he was ten years old. He remembered it so clearly, he had finished a model airplane he had been working on for months that he wanted to show his father. He remembered the long walk to his father's desk and seeing him peer over his glasses at him.

"Richard, I don't have time for you right now," he had said and then returned to his books. It was three months later that the word "diphtheria" began circulating around the household. He had been taken out of his bed in the middle of night and sent to Aunt Matilda's house in the country. He had loved it there. It was a different world. He spent his afternoon catching frogs and going on wild crusades with his cousin James. He had played football and ran races. One night his aunt had let him and James sleep outside in the field. He had stayed awake most of the night marveling at the array of sparkling diamonds in the sky. He had never seen anything so glorious. It had been the best summer ever and it was the last one he would ever know as a child. He would never forget the look on his aunt's face when she woke him up one night in August to tell him that he no longer had a father. He would never forget his mother's eyes as she welcomed him home.

"You're the man of the house now Richard," she whispered as she hugged him. He couldn't wait to grow up after that. He couldn't wait to take care of his mother and his sisters. Since that day that was all that had driven him, to be able to take care of the people he loved. He had pushed himself in everything in order to become his father. He had gone to Yale, excelled in his studies, and taken care of his mother every step of the way. When his beautiful Emmy had walked down the aisle to meet him he had vowed to take care of her with all his heart and soul. When he had held his tiny baby girl in his arms for the first time, he pledged to protect her and provide for her. He had failed Lorelai. He knew that--always had in his heart of hearts. He had given her everything he thought a little girl could want, a beautiful home, pretty dresses, lovely dolls, the best education in the best schools, but in the end what had it meant? He looked down at his shaking hands, turning them over and over again. He had missed the first steps. He had missed his daughter's childhood. He had become his father, and he hated himself for it.

Emily had always hated the smell of hospitals. The scent of alcohol made her sick to her stomach, but more than that, it meant fear. She clutched her coat tighter to her as the doctor led her through the hall.

"Right here Mrs. Gilmore," he said quietly. "I'll have to ask you to stay only a few minutes."

Her breath caught in her throat as she approached Lorelai's bed. She was so still, so white.

"Lorelai," she whispered crossing over to the bed. She cradled Lorelai's hand in hers. "No monsters are out tonight, Daddy killed them all last night," she whispered as she smoothed back Lorelai's hair.

She brought Lorelai's hand up to her cheek and her voice broke as she whispered, "I'm right here. It's going to be okay. I promise. I'm going to make you all better."

She put her hand down, still holding it and caressing it with her thumb. She wondered how long it would be before they told her she was going into surgery. She was a little scared of it, she had never been in the hospital before, except for having Lorelai. She had never broken any bones, never needed any surgery. She wished Richard was there to hold her hand, and tell her that everything was going to be okay. She wished Rory was there to be the comfort that she always was. But...they weren't there. She was going to have to face this alone for a little while. She was amazed at how quiet everything was as she sat there holding her daughter's hand. The only noise came from the gentle beeping of the monitors. It was comforting in a way, to hear her daughter's heart. It reminded her of lying awake at night when she was pregnant and feeling Lorelai kick. She suddenly felt peaceful sitting there, and for the first time felt assured that things really would be okay. She rested her head against the back of the chair, suddenly feeling incredibly tired. She closed her eyes when suddenly an alarm sounded on one of the monitors, and then another. Lorelai's chest heaved in protest.

"Somebody help me please!" Emily shouted and a flock of nurses ran in. The doctor bolted in behind them,

"What's happening?" Emily cried. "What's happening please!"

"Her lung's collapsed again. I need to tube her now!" the doctor ordered and Emily watched as he put a tube down her throat. "Blood pressure's dropping rapidly, heart rate decreasing."

"Dear God," Emily cried

Emily felt a nurse guiding her away, "We need to let the doctor do his work Mrs. Gilmore, let's wait outside."

"Get your hands off of me," Emily barked. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Come on Mrs. Gilmore. You can wait right outside."

She finally relented and went outside of the room. She watched the doctor's hands work feverishly over Lorelai, her hands clinging to the door.

"Please God," she whispered. "Please, don't take my baby. If you have to have her, please...wait until Rory gets here. Please don't take her until Rory gets here."

She had been so lost in her thoughts that she cried out when the doctor touched her shoulder.

"We're been able to stabilize her right now Mrs. Gilmore, but her condition is still critical. We are going to do everything that we can to get her to surgery, but...you need to prepare yourself."

Emily nodded slowly and turned back towards Lorelai,

"Hurry Richard," she whispered hoarsely.

Richard fairly exploded out of the plane as soon as it landed. He had felt so helpless just sitting there, and as soon as the plane had stopped, he knew he would not stop again until he had found Rory. He called the police for help and soon was on his way in the back seat of a police car to the Obama rally. As soon as they pulled up, he began searching wildly through the crowd, nearly driven mad by his desire to find her. He needed to tell her what was happening, to get her back to Lorelai, but it was more than that. _He _needed to see her. He needed to see those sparkling eyes looking up at him. He needed to feel her in his arms, to know she was safe. He went dizzy with relief as soon as he saw her, scribbling down furiously in her notebook and taking pictures.

"Rory!" he called out.

She turned in surprise, "Grandpa!" she cried in delight, and then her eyes widened in fear, "What's wrong?" Richard crossed the space between them and put his arms around her, holding her tight.

"Grandpa!" she cried, "What is it? What's wrong?"

Luke saw her as she walked weakly down the hall, still clutching to her coat. She looked like she was about ready to faint so he came up along side her and put his arm around her.

"We almost lost her," she breathed.

"I know..." Luke said, his voice breaking. "They just told me. Where is she?"

"They're prepping her for surgery right now. They need to be ready as soon as the donor is found," she stopped and shook her head, "What's taking so long?"

"They'll find it. Come on, I need to show you something," he walked her over to another hall and Emily felt like her heart jumped into her throat. The hall was crowded with people waiting in line to be tested as a donor. Some she recognized--Patty, Lorelai's neighbor, Sookie, Jackson, and some she didn't, but they were there because they loved her daughter, and even in the midst of terror, it was one of the most beautiful sights she'd ever seen.

"Let's get you to the waiting room," Luke said softly and led Emily away.

"Thank you," she whispered as they walked down the hall together.

"You're welcome," he replied as he led her into the waiting room.

Mia was there and stood up as Emily walked in.

"Emily dear, here sit down," she said gently as she helped Luke sit her down.

"How is she?" Mia asked anxiously.

Emily shook her head, "Critical," she choked out, "She's got to have the operation soon, and she's so weak that she may not make it through it anyway," her voice broke and Mia put her hand over hers. "I'm going to go get you some water," she said quietly, her own voice shaking.

Emily nodded, clutching the sides of the chair tightly. "It's my fault," she said hoarsely, staring straight ahead.

"What?" Luke asked incredulously.

"It is...it's my fault. I knew she was in pain. I knew she was in trouble and I did nothing,"

"Emily, there's no way you could have known this was going to happen. It's not your fault. It was the accident."

She shook her head, "I told her we should have gone to the doctor. She didn't want to go so I didn't push her, I should have taken her there. I should have got her to the doctor. I'm the mother. It was my responsibility."

"Emily..."

"What am I supposed to do now?" she asked, looking up at him with watery, scared, child-like eyes. "I...I can't lose her Luke, I just can't"

Luke put a comforting hand on her shoulder and squeezed it as Mia walked in with the water.

"Thank you," Emily said as she sipped the water. They all stood up when the doctor walked in the room.

"We found a match," he said and Emily sat back down in relief. "Thank God," she whispered. She stood up with renewed strength and took off her jacket coat.

"Where do I go to get prepared for the surgery?" she asked.

"Um... actually it's not you Mrs. Gilmore. You were not a match."

Emily drew back, "What?"

"It's uncommon in mothers and daughters, but still happens. Your kidney is simply not compatible with your daughter's body.

"Than whose is?" Luke asked anxiously.

The doctor looked down at his chart.

_"Please no," _Emily thought to herself, _"Please" _

"It says here the match is Mia Halloway


	15. Waiting

Disclaimer: This is an original story based on the characters of Gilmore Girls. No profit will be made from this story and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Nope, you aren't imagining it. After I think about what…two, three years? I am finally updating this story. I don't have much of an excuse as to the long wait, just that these haven't been the easiest couple of years. My biggest concern is having to answer to Emily for leaving her in such an awkward position for so long. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Thank you for all the feedback and support!

It all happened so fast.

It was all a blur really…the doctor handed her a consent form for the operation and she signed it automatically. Mia was then whisked away, pausing quickly to press her hand against Emily's forearm. Emily nodded in response and then Mia was gone. Luke left without a word and began to walk the halls, clearly be driven mad by the waiting.

And so she was alone. She sat down in a chair and covered her face with her hands. Her exhaustion was palpable. Her body ached with fatigue but at the same time her nerves were like live wires. She stood up again, rubbing her arms with her hands. She desperately wished for Richard. For a moment she thought about going after Luke or searching out someone from the town…anyone, so she wouldn't have to be alone. She began to pace the floor, and tried to concentrate on the symphony silent auction the next Thursday or the DAR All-Star benefit…anything to escape the helplessness she felt. She sat down again and clutched at her purse, turning around and staring out the window. She put a hand to her mouth as she began to cry, putting her head against the glass. For a moment she longed for her mother. Her mother had a remarkable way of banishing her fears. When she was little, the monster that haunted her was the green-eyed beast of her imagination that lived in the large armoire in her parent's room. Growing up, the source of her haunting became something else. A different terror grew inside her, fueled by a man who had desperately wanted a son, and had got two daughters instead. He was a man who was respected and honored in the community, but at home was a different kind of man. No…her father had never hurt her physically, but his harsh words still hurt…even thirty years after he had gone.

She had lived with it for years, never letting on, never wanting to spoil the image her friends had of her family as the perfect and proper home. She desperately worked to excel in all she did, thinking that somehow the next "A" or the next piano recital, would convince her father that she was of merit…that having a daughter was just as good as having a son. But…time again, she failed. He reminded her of her failures constantly, to the point where even the word filled her with revulsion. Even now, after leaving her father's house over forty years ago, Emily still felt like she continually came up short. She still felt she had failed. In the end, her biggest failure was that of being a parent. In the end…she had become her father…always critical, always demanding…always condescending and putting down the person she loved more than she had loved anything before. And now that girl, her beautiful talented girl, was being saved by someone else's kidney…once again, she had fallen short.

She stood up again and shook her hands, as if trying to shake off the feelings that berated her now. In her mind she could hear so many of the sharp things she had said to her daughter. She clenched and unclenched her hands into a fist, wondering how many times she had referred to something her daughter had done as "stupid." How could she have treated her daughter, her baby so cruelly? How could she be surprised that Mia's kidney was the one Lorelai needed? Hadn't Mia already saved Lorelai's life once before?

"Emily?" she turned as Luke came into the waiting room. "Are you all right?"

She tried to dry away some more tears, "Are you?"

"No,"

She said nothing in response, just sat down again.

"It's going to be a long wait," Luke said as he handed her a Styrofoam cup of coffee. She smiled at his thoughtfulness.

"Thank you."

The door opened and Sookie and Jackson came in. Emily caught Sookie's eye and tried to give her a small smile. Sookie's face was streaked with mascara. Soon Miss Patty came in, and then the blond one…Babette was her name. Emily watched as the room slowly became filled with Stars Hollow townspeople…those weird but wonderful people her daughter had made a home around. She felt a little self-conscious as some of them looked over at her. She didn't know some of them, but wondered what kind of reputation she had gained from Lorelai over the years.

The time passed interminably slowly. For a while the only sound was the clock on the wall…ticking away each second. A half hour…an hour…time dragged on. At one point Luke leaned over to her, and tentively put a hand on her shoulder.

"The doctors can fix everything these days," he said quietly. "She'll be fine."

She turned to look at him, "Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

Again the clock ticked on…another half hour…there had to be something wrong…Dear God, what would she do if she lost her?

She suddenly stood up, causing everyone to turn and look at her.

"Are you all right?" Luke asked.

"I'm fine," she insisted, "I just…I'm going to go wait for Richard and Rory." She walked out of the waiting room and into the hall, trying to ignore the nightmare scenario that threatened to crush her. Any moment now, the doctor could come around the corner and tell her that Lorelai was gone…that she had lost the light in her life, the light she didn't know she had. She had no idea, after so many years of fighting and hurtful words, just how much Lorelai still meant to her. She turned into a small nook in the hall and leaned against a vending machine.

"Please God," she spoke in a shredded whisper. "Please don't take her away from me. Please, show me what I am supposed to do." She swallowed hard and continued down the hall, every part of her body aching. She was just passing the elevator when the door opened and the familiar scent of musk and aftershave filled the air. She went weak in the knees with relief…_Richard._

"Grandma!" Rory cried out as she exploded from the elevator.

Instantly Emily had her arms wrapped around her. "It's all right Sweetie, It's all right" she murmured as she held the girl in her arms. Richard's strong arms enveloped them both and she leaned into him as she caressed Rory's hair.

"How is she?" Rory asked and Emily felt the urge to cover the truth, but there had been enough of that. Rory deserved the truth. Emily reached out and caressed her granddaughter's cheek, "I don't know Sweetie." She's been in the operating room for two hours. She was in pretty bad shape when she got here. She's getting a kidney transplant and they are repairing her collapsed lung."

Rory put her hand to her face.

"They found a match?" Richard confirmed anxiously.

Emily tried not to flinch for Rory's sake, "Yes, Mia is donating one of her kidneys,"

She was profoundly grateful for the supportive strong grip of Richard's hand on her shoulder as soon as she said it. It communicated so much.

"Come on Sweetie" she said as she put her arm around Rory. "Let's go back to the waiting room." Rory put her head on her grandma's shoulder as she led her back to the room. There were more people there than when she had left. It was a site to see. Four or five people offered to give up a seat for Rory and Emily gently led her to it.

"All right Sweetie, you sit here and I'm going to get you some coffee." She turned to go out again and there was a little girl standing there with long strawberry blonde hair. She smiled up at Emily. She was missing her two front teeth and had a cute dimple on the side of her cheek.

"Are you Lorelai's mommy?" she asked softly.

Emily swallowed a sob, "Yes, I am."

The child smiled again and brought out a handful of wild daisies. "These are for you," she said, "Lorelai's my friend."

Emily reached down and took the flowers and then softly caressed the girl's head. "Thank you," she whispered. She brought Rory her coffee and as she sat down next to her, Rory curled into her side and put her head against her shoulder. She kissed the top of Rory's head and then looked at the flowers in her hand. She reached out and caressed the petals.

"Lorelai's mommy" she repeated to herself. She looked down the hall.

"Hold on Angel," she whispered. "Hold on."


	16. The Measure of a Mother

Disclaimer: This an original story based on the characters of "Gilmore Girls." No profit will be made from the story and no copyright infringement is intended

Author's Note: I'm sure there are many of you out there who over the past five years have wondered if I was still alive, let alone if I was ever going to finish this story. All I can say is that it has been a busy/sometimes good/sometimes bad couple years for me. I went through a writing slump for awhile and am trying to get back into it again. Thank you all for your patience, and for all your reviews of my stories. The boost my confidence and mean so much!

The room was silent, except for the ticking of that aggravating clock…tick, tick, tick, tick. She tried to concentrate on the lecture she would give the nurse about how inconsiderate it was to have such an insensitive device in a waiting room, but she could not. She could not think of anything but her baby's laugh, silky raven-colored curls, bright beautiful eyes, and little arms that she too often stopped from hugging her. Emily's head rested against Richard's shoulder, and she clung to the comfort of his strong arm around her, and the scent of his aftershave and cologne. Rory rested her head in Emily's lap, and Emily found more comfort in caressing the girl's hair. She was relieved to have them close to her, to be able to touch both of them. This was her world, Richard, Lorelai, and Rory. In all the midst of all her terror, one thing had become clear to her. All her riches, all the DAR meetings, the boards, the charity work…all the things that mattered so much to her…they meant nothing compared to Richard, Lorelai and Rory. She was so lost in her thoughts that she almost didn't hear the small far-away sound of her granddaughter's voice.

"What did you say Sweetie?" she asked gently, bending down to kiss the girl's head.

"Why didn't she tell me Grandma?" Rory said again, her voice thick with emotion. "What if she dies? I could have been here. I could have been here to say goodbye."

At that Richard's free hand clasped Rory's in his.

"Because she loves you," Emily whispered into Rory's hair. "Because she's so proud of you and didn't want you to worry. She knew you'd be on the first plane out when you found out and she didn't want you to lose your job. Besides, no one is going anywhere. I simply won't permit it." She tried to adopt her bossiest Emily Gilmore tone, but failed, and Rory tried to laugh, but failed, and so they both went back to the silence. When Emily's head fell back against Richard, she exhaled slowly, and then whispered quietly against him,

"Richard…I can't live without her."

His arm held her tighter and he rested his head against hers. "I know Emmy," he whispered. "I know."

She wasn't sure when she allowed herself to succumb to her exhaustion, but the next thing new, there was a general commotion as the doctor came into the room. Richard, Emily and Rory were to his side in a moment.

"Where is she?" Emily asked anxiously. "Is she alright?"

"She survived the surgery," he said, and Emily felt her knees give way with relief. Richard's strong arms steadied her. Then she saw the doctor's face.

"Something's still wrong," she breathed.

The doctor sighed and Emily's heart beat even faster. "She developed complications because she was so weak. Her blood pressure is still low and she is running a high fever. We're giving her medication to help her, but the next few hours will be critical."

There was a general cry in the room and Rory turned into Emily with a sob.

"Will she live?" the words cut through her like a knife.

He looked at her for a moment. "I need to get back," he said, and then he was gone. Luke put his hands on his head in agony and walked out of the room. Emily guided Rory back to her seat, looking over her shoulder after Luke. As soon as she helped Rory sit down, she started to go after him, but Rory clung to her like a child.

"It's alright Sweetie. Grandma's coming right back," she said gently, caressing Rory's cheek and then turning her to Richard, who put his arms around her. She walked out of the waiting room, thinking about how strange life was, how much time she had spent disliking Luke, and doing everything she could to destroy the relationship and now she trying to find him. She didn't even really know why. Did she want to comfort him? Was she seeking redemption? Or was she trying to hold on to Lorelai any way she could? Whatever the reason, as she turned the corner and found him, staring out the window, head up against the glass, she felt no animosity for him.

She said nothing, just put a hand on his shoulder. Life was so very, very strange. They were quiet for a moment and then he spoke quietly.

"I…I just got her back."

"Me too," Emily replied.

"I just started to feel like I could breathe again. And now…" his voice broke and suddenly her arms went around him. For a moment she was nothing but a mother and him nothing but a man who hadn't had a mother in a long time. For a moment, they were simply two people who loved Lorelai Gilmore. "You come back," she said softly. "You come back and sit with us."

And again they waited. A half hour…an hour. A nurse came in and they all jumped to their feet. She simply said there was little change with Lorelai, but that Mia had woken up in recovery. Emily sat back down and then, surprising herself again said, "Please…can I see her?"

Evidently, Mia was just as surprised at her visitor as Emily was to be there. Emily stood in the doorway for a moment, just watching her. Mia seemed different now. The few times Emily had seen her, she seemed so confident and secure. Now she seemed smaller and as she looked at Emily her eyes were full of fear.

"Lorelai…" she said weakly. Emily moved closer. It was so strange. What was happening to her? She had hated this woman for so long, and yet she was here and she felt compassion for her.

"We're still waiting," Emily said, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she insisted, "What's happening with Lorelai?"

"Complications, that's all I know," her voice trembled, "low blood pressure…high fever,"

"Dear God," Mia whispered.

"I just…" Emily started and then lost her composure. She pressed a hand against her forehead, "I just thought you should know and I just to say…thank you for what you did…for donating your kidney." She smiled, a little sadly. "I should let you rest." She turned to leave and was almost to the door when Mia called her back.

"Emily," she said, and Emily turned back towards her. "You were right," she said. "I should have encouraged her to go home. I should have sent her home."

Emily smiled and sat down in the chair next to the bed. "You know the same Lorelai I do Mia," she said and then suddenly tears were in his eyes. "You could never have sent her anywhere."

Mia chuckled, and then swallowed. "I was selfish Emily. I only had one child, a boy, and I had always wanted a girl. I took her in that first night because I felt sorry for her, but I just fell in love with her. I wanted her to stay. I wanted her to be my daughter. And the baby…I just loved that baby."

Again the old wounds came back. She bit her lower lip and tried to swallow the 16 years she had missed. Sixteen precious years she would never get back.

"I'm sorry Emily. She was your daughter. She has always been your daughter."

Emily wiped away her tears, "I um…I don't deserve her. I never did." The words burned deep, but she said them, "You…were a better mother to her during that time than I ever was." She stood up and moved over to her. "I think that um…in a way, she'll always belong to both of us."

Mia smiled, and again barriers were melted away as they simply became two women who loved Lorelai Gilmore. Maybe they never would be friends, and maybe the old wounds would never really be healed, but they were united in that and always would be.

She felt different again as she walked down the hall. Somehow, she stood a little straighter on the inside as well as on the outside. She sat down again by Richard, who softly kissed the top of her head and as Rory put her head against her shoulder, she placed her hand against her cheek. She had lost sixteen years…it was true. But she had had seven years…and they had been wonderful.

She looked up and saw the doctor coming down the hall. Her heart started beating fast again. "Please God" she prayed for the hundredth time, "Please…"

Luke made it to him before he entered the waiting room and they all watched as Luke listened and then turned around. He stood in the doorway, tears spilling over his cheeks. He looked at her…"It's over," he said. "She's going to be fine"

Richard immediately encircled her and Rory and they all cried as she and Rory leaned into him and he held tight to them. Everyone was crying and laughing at the same time and suddenly Emily found herself surrounded by her daughter's friends, some she knew some she didn't. They hugged her and treated her like they had known her forever. It was all a bit much, and during the commotion, she slipped away down the hall to find the doctor.

She found out that Lorelai's fever had broke, and her blood pressure was finally climbing, but that it had been touch and go for awhile. There would be a long road to recovery, but she planned to be right there every step of the way.

"When can I see her?" Emily asked. The doctor smiled, "Well, I would tell you a couple of hours, but judging from what I hear of your reputation Mrs. Gilmore, I know that you would simply ignore me. I'll tell you what, I'll let you see her outside the glass for right now, and then I'll tell you as soon as she wakes up. "

Her breath caught in her throat as he led her to the room and she saw her daughter through the window. She was perfect, as perfect as she had been almost forty years ago, when the proudest mother in the world had looked through another window and seen a darling little baby girl. And as history further repeated itself, she suddenly felt familiar fingers intertwining with hers and she looked up and saw Richard looking through the window.

"She's going to be alright," Emily whispered as she leaned back against him, "Thank God, she's going to be alright." Richard kissed her cheek and leaned his forehead against her.

"Richard," she whispered. "What happened to her…that young mother who wanted to do everything perfectly, who wanted to give her daughter the best life in the world?"

"She did exactly that," Richard said, "in her own way."

Emily shook her head, "I should have…" but Richard put his finger against her lips. "We both made mistakes Emily. So did she. That's what families do. We put things back together. We're better Emily."

He wrapped his arms around her and she put her hands against his. "Do you know what that doctor told me," he said. "That she wasn't going to give up without a fight. She was in there the whole time, fighting to stay alive. She gets that from you Emily. That part of her wouldn't exist…except for you."

Another hour past, and then two…Emily finally fell asleep, again on Richard's shoulder, with Rory's head in her lap. The nurse came to wake them, to let them know that Lorelai was awake.

Luke, Richard, Rory and Emily all hurried down the hall and when they arrived at the door, they all stood and smiled at the still pale and small lady in the bed, who seemed to be drinking them in. She looked at Rory, and Luke, and her dad, and then her mom. And it was that mother who took the first step, motioning for her family…all of her family, to come closer. She put a hand against her daughter's forehead and smiled.

"We're all here Angel. We're all right here."

And that my friends…is the end.


End file.
